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[Music]

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the smoke radio for the masses of July 8

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1947 the Army Air Forces has announced

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that a flying disc has been found and is

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now in the possession of the army

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game is rigged change the game game

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changer I occasionally think how quickly

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hard difference is worldwide would

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vanish if we were facing an alien threat

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from outside this work

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[Music]

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[Applause]

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[Music]

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this is Fade to Black with your host

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Jimmy Church on the game changer Radio

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Network

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all right welcome Fade to Black I am

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your host Jimmy church today is Tuesday

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February 21st 2023 I cannot wait for

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tonight's show to kick off oh no we just

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started it tonight's Kelly Sullivan

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Walden is with us

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and tonight I just called the show

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tragic into magic and uh completely uh

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plagiarized and stolen uh from Kelly

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um but uh that's that's what the show

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was about tonight and I know uh as I as

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I set this up before I bring Kelly in

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um you know she's the dream expert right

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the dream doctor doctor dream but uh

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tonight a little bit little tiny little

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bit about dreams but tonight we're going

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to talk about her new book it's called a

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crisis is a terrible thing to waste the

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art of transforming the tragic into

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magic the link for the book is below I

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have been reading it it's it's you know

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what enough of that Kelly's Great the

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book is great the link is below

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um we know everything that she's been

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doing in the media and her website and

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her podcast over the years she's one of

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the most respected uh authors and dream

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experts out there but but the the new

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book and I'll let Kelly describe it to

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you this is a personal Journey

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this is a personal Journey uh there are

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a couple of Dreams in the book

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but it's it's a series of life's essays

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and I I hope I'm putting that uh terming

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that correctly so with that let's just

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get straight to it and say welcome Kelly

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Sullivan Walden

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how are you doing and you've got

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yourself muted you need to unmute some

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things I don't have control of

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how's that am I back with you yeah

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you're here welcome back it it's you

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know it's always amazing when you're

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with us

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um but uh before we get started uh how

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were the holidays uh Dana everything

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else in your life great

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life is good life is good it's been a

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really busy beginning of the new year

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with this book coming out and

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it's it's it's really good it's been not

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like you know normally the beginning of

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the year is kind of mellow this was like

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bam here we go rock and roll

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no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt uh

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good to be with you though Jimmy you you

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you do mention in the book

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um uh which which I thought was uh again

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this is all personal uh you know this is

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a pretty pretty gnarly Insight right you

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let it all hang out but um but you say

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in the book you know man I've I've been

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just like everybody else you know locked

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down I haven't seen my family in a year

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I had this happen and this happened and

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this happened I'm dealing with this and

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so are all of you

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um wow right but I think 2023 finally we

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get you know we get to enjoy try to get

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back to normal if if that's the right

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way to put it right back to black back

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to normal

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I want to share one thing with you about

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dreams really quick please over the

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weekend

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um I had this crazy dream

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and now check this out

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I'm just gonna lay it out there I woke

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up

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don't know if you know what grounding is

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we won't get into that but I've been

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grounding at night

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and so when I wake up in the morning my

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dreams they're because you go into such

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a deep sleep when you when you ground

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everything's like really Vivid and

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Technicolor and it's fun and but I I've

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been remembering things so anyway I was

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in Miami over the weekend and I woke up

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I went that was the craziest dream ever

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and this was the dream I was at a party

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okay and I'm walking around at the party

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asking everybody

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if the world blew up 30 days after you

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died

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how would you feel

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right

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and that was

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you know person after person after

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person at this party just upsetting

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everybody apparently

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um

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and now I have no idea where that came

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from and and I'm thinking about it so

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then after that

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uh after I woke up had breakfast uh and

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then I I went to where I was Billy

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Carson's house and it was earlier there

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was you know five or ten of our friends

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were there early uh in the day and I

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said man

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I gotta tell you guys about this dream

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that I had and so I hit everybody with

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that question same reaction that you

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just did whoa

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what what you know and I got everybody

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thinking and yeah crazy

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what did they say I think everybody

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wanted to a little bit of

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self-reflection just like I was right

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where they that's not a question I don't

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think is easily answered right it's it's

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there there that is a that's a mind

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experiment that's a thought experiment

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right there it definitely it definitely

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is I think um in dreams when we have a

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very specific question when there's a

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quote because often in dreams it's kind

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of nebulous and things are hard to pin

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down but when there's a there's a

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specific word or a specific phrase it

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Bears repeating it means that there's

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something there because the dreams are

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typically they take place with the

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visual cortex so to hear something and

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to say something that's I that's very

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special and so I think it's it is worth

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going down the rabbit hole on that

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question I know what it brings up for me

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but I want to know what it brings up for

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you first and then I'll weigh in on if

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it were my dream yeah you know and I've

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I've thought about it uh quite a bit

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um and I think it reflects back I mean

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it's a definite philosophical move on

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the head right it's a definite thing

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there

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um and so is it is it about this is how

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I've tried to resolve it in my own mind

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is it about should you care

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about

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the now

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right now because 30 days after you're

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gone

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there's nothing here so

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do you focus on the now now right and

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those that are around you do you focus

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on that because right

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um and and it's such a heavy thought

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because we're supposed to care about the

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planet seven generations yes yes right

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Beyond us and so this kind of changes

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all of that

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well I'm kind of chomping at the bit

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and one of the one of the stories in my

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book that we're talking about a crisis

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is a terrible thing to waste I think

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you'll dig this one and we might have

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even talked about this on a previous

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show because this is one of my favorite

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stories

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um about my death experience when I had

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a mini death experience as as contrasted

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by Daniel Brinkley's you know hour-long

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death experiences I was only on the

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other side for about 15 minutes and all

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I know is from that experience I felt

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such Grace such peace such okayness

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about everything so I think if I died

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and then I found out later that the

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world

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exploded or was just it ceased to be I

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think from a from a being on the other

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side perspective it would be like okay

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well that was fun we we did what we came

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here to do it's okay because the whole

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the whole message that I got from the

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other side was

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was suffering

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is equated to the amount of attachment I

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have and if I can be detached and still

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present still fully show up fully love

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with my whole heart but not be attached

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then there's Bliss possible no matter no

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matter what and everything has an

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expiration date including this planet so

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right that's okay it just means well

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whatever time we have left here let's

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make the most of it let's not squander

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it living in fear let's not squander it

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you know contemplating our navels and

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and the navel of The Neighbor Next Door

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let's just let's what what matters most

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let's let if this time is really limited

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then

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let's knock it off let's stop being

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Knuckleheads let's get on with really

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doing what we came here to do so

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I would as somebody who likes to turn

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the tragic into magic I feel like

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they're the magic of this dream is that

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it feels like just do what you came here

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to do love with your full heart and

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because this

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as much as I loved being on the other

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side and I didn't want to come back here

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I realized that back here in this

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Dimension this is a precious realm this

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is something that we all I believe we

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all chose to come here for a period of

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time to learn some things and maybe

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we're not done and maybe it we will at

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some point this this playground won't be

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here anymore for us but perhaps the best

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way to be here is like it's a great like

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it's Disneyland we don't want to miss a

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thing we want to yeah yeah yeah yeah

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yeah yeah yeah that's it and yes yes yes

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yes yes and here here's that you know to

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turn around and and and look at

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something like that when you unpack it

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one of the first things is well the

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petty stuff just doesn't matter you may

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have you may have a butt head friend

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that gets on your nerves

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but they're still your friend you know

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the petty stuff just doesn't matter

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there's there's that and and to to not

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waste time with with negative Vibes

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right right don't don't stay stay with

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positive things around you because you

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just never right and to have wasted

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precious time on negative trivial stuff

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right and and here's so here's the thing

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right

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so uh Consciousness I believe is

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non-physical right yeah when when we die

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that's not the end that's just simple

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hitting right right so what you don't

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want to do let's say you die 30 days

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later asteroid hits Planet blows up you

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know whatever happens right and it's

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over

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your your conscious self right you don't

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want to bump in to the soul out there

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that that you were not cool with right

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you know but do you remember that time

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you don't want that so clean it up and

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also

276
00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:56,100
um the those out there Kelly let me

277
00:13:00,170 --> 00:12:58,380
bring up this and I want to get to this

278
00:13:02,269 --> 00:13:00,180
quote from Joseph Campbell that you

279
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:02,279
start off the book with it is so on

280
00:13:08,230 --> 00:13:04,500
point even with what we're talking about

281
00:13:12,129 --> 00:13:08,240
right now right yeah which is this

282
00:13:15,050 --> 00:13:12,139
you don't want to be that soul

283
00:13:17,990 --> 00:13:15,060
traveling the universe right after

284
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:18,000
everything is over with going man that

285
00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:19,860
time on Earth was kind of fun but I sure

286
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:22,800
to wasted a lot of time being being a

287
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:24,720
dick you don't want to be that either

288
00:13:29,329 --> 00:13:27,600
right you you just don't you know you

289
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:29,339
don't want to waste your time going to

290
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:32,279
this uh quote this is uh Joseph Campbell

291
00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:33,779
and I love this

292
00:13:41,389 --> 00:13:37,920
It Is by going down into the abyss that

293
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:41,399
we recover the treasures of life

294
00:13:46,569 --> 00:13:45,060
where you stumble there lies your

295
00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:46,579
treasure

296
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:50,399
oh man that is strong

297
00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:52,500
isn't that great that kind of says it

298
00:14:03,050 --> 00:13:59,389
says he also says the cave you fear to

299
00:14:05,629 --> 00:14:03,060
enter holds the treasures you seek

300
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:05,639
so let's go after these things that

301
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:08,700
scare us most let's let's dive in let's

302
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:10,560
let's go in with our full heart because

303
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:13,680
then I mean Ben there's nothing we can

304
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:16,740
live fearlessly and when we go after we

305
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:19,500
turn the table on it we Ogle it or Ogle

306
00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:20,420
it

307
00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:31,920
what I believe and I and I think you

308
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:34,560
were saying something about this um

309
00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:36,420
one of the things that I think is so

310
00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:39,560
true is we are

311
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:43,139
one percent physical maybe zero zero

312
00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:45,420
point zero zero one percent physical the

313
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:48,740
rest of us are being our nature is is

314
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:51,660
non-physical so if everything that is

315
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:54,839
physical was to be destroyed

316
00:14:58,850 --> 00:14:57,540
that's just it's kind of like losing our

317
00:15:02,269 --> 00:14:58,860
pinky toe

318
00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:02,279
right our Pinky the the nail our pinky

319
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:04,800
toenail not even the pinky toe just the

320
00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:08,760
nail and it's like okay well that was

321
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:11,100
precious and

322
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:12,899
what else

323
00:15:17,509 --> 00:15:15,180
and that's I think the moment that we

324
00:15:19,490 --> 00:15:17,519
pass over and we experience this

325
00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:19,500
sometimes in dreams that's why death and

326
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:22,740
dreams are so correlated because they we

327
00:15:28,009 --> 00:15:25,199
experience the non-physical aspect of

328
00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:28,019
who we are we explore Dimensions that we

329
00:15:32,569 --> 00:15:30,060
that are harder to explore when we're

330
00:15:33,949 --> 00:15:32,579
when we're just fixated on this

331
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:33,959
particular Dimension this

332
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:36,420
three-dimensional reality but we get to

333
00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:40,260
expand and it's just it's so cool so we

334
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:41,940
just need to remember that we when we go

335
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:43,260
on the other side we're gonna we're

336
00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:45,060
gonna have a lot of relief we're gonna

337
00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:46,860
feel a lot of gratitude we're gonna

338
00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:49,079
we're gonna love it but we wanna stay

339
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:50,940
here as long as we can and enjoy and do

340
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:53,940
what we came here to do well in in in

341
00:16:00,350 --> 00:15:58,320
with such a strong statement like you

342
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:00,360
know turning tragic into magic right

343
00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:04,260
right there right that that set of words

344
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:08,880
said so much because if we look at the

345
00:16:16,069 --> 00:16:11,880
and we all do this including myself you

346
00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:16,079
look at the romance of time travel right

347
00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:17,399
the wrong

348
00:16:22,569 --> 00:16:20,579
that oh man if I could just go back and

349
00:16:26,509 --> 00:16:22,579
fix that stuff

350
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:26,519
get long lost love from eighth grade

351
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:29,180
whatever it is right right

352
00:16:37,069 --> 00:16:33,060
the romance of time travel if you know

353
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:37,079
can you change one little thing then

354
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:40,139
your children aren't born today right

355
00:16:46,189 --> 00:16:40,940
right

356
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:46,199
the thing so no those things those

357
00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:48,660
tragedies or whatever it is from your

358
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:50,699
past made you who you are today why

359
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:52,800
would you change it

360
00:16:58,189 --> 00:16:56,220
right yeah I think it's it's really

361
00:17:00,470 --> 00:16:58,199
flipping it I love there's a Cheryl

362
00:17:02,449 --> 00:17:00,480
Strayed quote um I wish I could remember

363
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:02,459
it exactly it's something about how

364
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:05,760
people lament not getting better cards

365
00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:08,400
and she said but that's not the job to

366
00:17:13,010 --> 00:17:10,500
to wish you had other cards it's to play

367
00:17:16,789 --> 00:17:13,020
the cards you're dealt play those

368
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:16,799
puppies with all your might don't like

369
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:18,780
hello you've got some cards that you've

370
00:17:22,789 --> 00:17:19,860
been handed

371
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:22,799
deal with those

372
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:24,679
I'm awesome

373
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:27,600
we've got a lot more that I mean it's

374
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:30,660
just the human The Human Condition is

375
00:17:36,169 --> 00:17:33,360
such a conundrum we always I mean it's

376
00:17:37,909 --> 00:17:36,179
so typical that we that we want what we

377
00:17:40,070 --> 00:17:37,919
don't have and that we take for granted

378
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:40,080
what we do have and if we had if we were

379
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:42,900
really awake if we just woke up took

380
00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:44,520
whatever the red or the green or the red

381
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:46,620
pill whatever that is we would we would

382
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:49,080
say oh my God it'd be like Jimmy Stewart

383
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:52,320
at the end of It's a Wonderful Life

384
00:17:59,390 --> 00:17:56,820
I get this oh my God this is cool let's

385
00:18:01,789 --> 00:17:59,400
milk it for all its work

386
00:18:05,090 --> 00:18:01,799
um I uh I was in Miami uh over the

387
00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:05,100
weekend and Billy Carson and I uh we did

388
00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:07,980
a couple of live streams in his Studio

389
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:11,280
and in one of the live streams where we

390
00:18:17,390 --> 00:18:14,280
were talking about look you know we all

391
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:17,400
go through hard stuff right and but it's

392
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:19,320
still who we are today you know and

393
00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:22,440
don't don't you know take that and and

394
00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:25,500
work with it he starts crying he's

395
00:18:29,990 --> 00:18:27,660
talking about new experience this is

396
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:30,000
Billy Carson right I'm sitting next to

397
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:31,760
him and

398
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:34,860
but here's here's what he was trying to

399
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:39,059
say as bad as it was and it was bad

400
00:18:45,110 --> 00:18:43,500
I had a dream I had a vision and at that

401
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:45,120
point in my life there was nobody there

402
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:46,980
that's willing to help somebody that's

403
00:18:50,690 --> 00:18:48,179
got nothing

404
00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:50,700
and I wasn't looking for a handout and I

405
00:18:55,909 --> 00:18:53,520
realized uh that that it's just me

406
00:18:58,970 --> 00:18:55,919
that's going to push through this you

407
00:19:01,430 --> 00:18:58,980
know how you take tragic and turn it

408
00:19:03,950 --> 00:19:01,440
into magic you know and I wasn't about

409
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:03,960
to let myself go you know fully naked at

410
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:05,640
that point and start talking about my

411
00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:07,020
past

412
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:09,140
um why not

413
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:12,660
discussing that earlier right in that

414
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:16,260
um uh everybody

415
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:19,500
is dealing with with stuff there's

416
00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:21,120
nobody out there

417
00:19:23,710 --> 00:19:22,350
there's no no

418
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:23,720
[Laughter]

419
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:26,640
there there's nobody out there that has

420
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:29,700
lived a perfect life uh that that hasn't

421
00:19:34,909 --> 00:19:32,160
had its share of setbacks and and things

422
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:34,919
and sadness and and whatever you want to

423
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:36,000
call it

424
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:40,200
um but it builds to who you are today so

425
00:19:45,549 --> 00:19:42,120
don't go back and change anything why

426
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:45,559
would you just ride through it

427
00:19:51,049 --> 00:19:48,660
absolutely and if there's anything that

428
00:19:55,490 --> 00:19:51,059
I mean there's a it seems like there's a

429
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:55,500
process of of coming into this world as

430
00:20:00,110 --> 00:19:57,780
these perfect innocent beautiful little

431
00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:00,120
babies and then

432
00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:02,580
we all get our hearts broken I mean I've

433
00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:05,400
had I've had my heart smashed a bunch of

434
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:07,320
times and I list not all of them but

435
00:20:12,650 --> 00:20:09,720
many of them in in this book

436
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:12,660
but with every every heartbreak there's

437
00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:15,660
some I mean it's like part resilience

438
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:18,120
part protectiveness that we develop some

439
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:20,600
strategy for coping if we if we survive

440
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:24,600
and that coping mechanism can sometimes

441
00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:26,700
become like a mask we become really

442
00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:29,039
funny we become really cool we become

443
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:32,039
really smart we become really uh

444
00:20:37,430 --> 00:20:34,320
avoidant we become really domineering

445
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:37,440
whatever it is we we become something to

446
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:40,740
cope and then at some point that that

447
00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:44,460
coping mechanism stops working it either

448
00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:47,039
starts to become a kind of like used car

449
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:48,720
salesman-ish where it just sort of

450
00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:52,380
repels people or it works so well that

451
00:20:57,230 --> 00:20:54,900
we maybe achieve all the things that we

452
00:20:59,450 --> 00:20:57,240
want but we have this profound imposter

453
00:21:00,830 --> 00:20:59,460
syndrome that was kind of you know I

454
00:21:03,409 --> 00:21:00,840
kind of had a little bit of both of

455
00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:03,419
those where it's just like my my facade

456
00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:05,820
is cracking it's breaking and then at

457
00:21:10,549 --> 00:21:07,740
that point that's usually the crisis

458
00:21:12,830 --> 00:21:10,559
point where people even if they're going

459
00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:12,840
to check out that's usually the place

460
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:14,100
where they do it because they realize

461
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:16,740
they can't go back to who they were and

462
00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:18,720
their mask their coping mechanism isn't

463
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:20,400
working so what's the point of being

464
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:22,500
here and I reached that point several

465
00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:24,660
times in my book I talk about wanting to

466
00:21:30,049 --> 00:21:28,020
just not be here anymore but those are

467
00:21:32,390 --> 00:21:30,059
also those those moments where if we're

468
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:32,400
wise we'll we'll hit our knees we'll

469
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:34,679
we'll fall into a place of surrender

470
00:21:40,850 --> 00:21:37,440
where we make a demand of the Universe

471
00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:40,860
show me something give me some kind of a

472
00:21:47,870 --> 00:21:44,100
sign so I can stay here and if we

473
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:47,880
sincerely ask then we're sincerely given

474
00:21:52,549 --> 00:21:49,860
something and that's usually when when

475
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:52,559
some form of Grace takes place where we

476
00:21:56,930 --> 00:21:54,780
step out and we realize it's like the

477
00:22:00,169 --> 00:21:56,940
Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones walking

478
00:22:01,549 --> 00:22:00,179
across that invisible bridge where we

479
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:01,559
don't know how we're going to make it

480
00:22:06,770 --> 00:22:04,500
but but we if we keep putting a foot in

481
00:22:09,350 --> 00:22:06,780
front of the other we do and there's so

482
00:22:11,450 --> 00:22:09,360
it seems like there's this place where I

483
00:22:14,029 --> 00:22:11,460
mean there's the crisis which is the

484
00:22:15,289 --> 00:22:14,039
cracking of the mask and then there's

485
00:22:20,270 --> 00:22:15,299
the

486
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:20,280
cracking and we don't want to live

487
00:22:24,529 --> 00:22:22,500
forever with that mask we want to return

488
00:22:27,289 --> 00:22:24,539
back to our innocence but with the

489
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:27,299
wisdom of a mature adult and that's

490
00:22:32,390 --> 00:22:30,059
that's what's possible for all of us

491
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:32,400
but it makes sense that we would defend

492
00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:35,100
our masks and not tell anybody about

493
00:22:39,470 --> 00:22:36,799
what's underneath them because we want

494
00:22:42,350 --> 00:22:39,480
it we want to be loved we want to be

495
00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:42,360
accepted and so much of my life was so

496
00:22:48,049 --> 00:22:45,840
much about the facade and wanting to get

497
00:22:50,930 --> 00:22:48,059
the respect the approval the love the

498
00:22:53,630 --> 00:22:50,940
Adoration or whatever at whatever cost

499
00:22:55,490 --> 00:22:53,640
and it was kind of like who cares about

500
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:55,500
what's authentic under there I don't

501
00:23:00,770 --> 00:22:58,020
care as long as I get the outer stuff

502
00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:00,780
but then at some point it's like wow so

503
00:23:05,830 --> 00:23:03,360
all this love is really people loving me

504
00:23:09,230 --> 00:23:05,840
but they're not loving the real me

505
00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:09,240
they're loving the representative the

506
00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:13,140
representative exactly but it takes you

507
00:23:16,190 --> 00:23:14,520
write in the book

508
00:23:17,810 --> 00:23:16,200
um I'm not going to give it away so I'm

509
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:17,820
going to paraphrase a little bit here

510
00:23:22,549 --> 00:23:20,159
write it you write in the book you've

511
00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:22,559
got a journalist and you're excited

512
00:23:27,310 --> 00:23:25,860
she's coming over to to interview you

513
00:23:30,649 --> 00:23:27,320
right okay

514
00:23:32,570 --> 00:23:30,659
you've arrived and so she's comes over

515
00:23:35,870 --> 00:23:32,580
everything's cool right you guys she's

516
00:23:37,970 --> 00:23:35,880
hip she's a hippie she's hip and uh

517
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:37,980
she's the hippie and you guys are doing

518
00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:40,559
your thing and then and then later in

519
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:42,780
the you know and so you've got you've

520
00:23:46,549 --> 00:23:44,700
got the house all you know you've got

521
00:23:49,070 --> 00:23:46,559
the you've got the you've got the

522
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:49,080
representative mask on right and then

523
00:23:52,669 --> 00:23:50,940
she goes well tell me about the time

524
00:23:55,610 --> 00:23:52,679
when you robbed the bank with Patty

525
00:23:57,830 --> 00:23:55,620
Hearst right and and you're like what

526
00:23:59,510 --> 00:23:57,840
how do you know that now I'm

527
00:24:04,630 --> 00:23:59,520
paraphrasing you can tell the real story

528
00:24:09,169 --> 00:24:04,640
later but now she's behind the mask and

529
00:24:12,529 --> 00:24:09,179
you are at that crossroads of like well

530
00:24:17,630 --> 00:24:12,539
crap am I going to discuss the real me

531
00:24:21,049 --> 00:24:17,640
or am I gonna keep the mask on and how

532
00:24:23,750 --> 00:24:21,059
was that a week of pressure when you

533
00:24:25,669 --> 00:24:23,760
have that oh my God no it was horrible

534
00:24:27,789 --> 00:24:25,679
because I wasn't I wasn't prepared for

535
00:24:32,690 --> 00:24:27,799
it so what she asked was like later

536
00:24:36,049 --> 00:24:32,700
after she later so in hindsight now I'm

537
00:24:37,970 --> 00:24:36,059
so grateful for her I mean she so it's

538
00:24:41,990 --> 00:24:37,980
it's what I opened the book with and she

539
00:24:43,430 --> 00:24:42,000
asks me so you know tell me like why are

540
00:24:45,529 --> 00:24:43,440
nightmares so great and I say something

541
00:24:47,090 --> 00:24:45,539
about how nightmares are helping us to

542
00:24:48,830 --> 00:24:47,100
come to peace with the parts of

543
00:24:51,529 --> 00:24:48,840
ourselves we don't love so that we're

544
00:24:54,049 --> 00:24:51,539
capable of living these Fearless lives

545
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:54,059
and and she says so is that how you feel

546
00:25:01,210 --> 00:24:56,880
about your past as a pole dancer and I'm

547
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:04,370
like I pulled a William Shatner on her I

548
00:25:09,890 --> 00:25:08,100
can't but leave you and all of that it

549
00:25:12,350 --> 00:25:09,900
was like I just

550
00:25:14,270 --> 00:25:12,360
literally wanted to die I turned every

551
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:14,280
shade of every color

552
00:25:19,549 --> 00:25:16,860
and wanted to find a hole dig myself

553
00:25:22,010 --> 00:25:19,559
into it and I asked her how she knew

554
00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:22,020
this because that was I thought buried

555
00:25:26,630 --> 00:25:24,000
in the closet and only a few people knew

556
00:25:28,549 --> 00:25:26,640
and she said that she had been to a

557
00:25:32,990 --> 00:25:28,559
12-step women's meeting that I had been

558
00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:33,000
to years and years before and I'm like

559
00:25:38,690 --> 00:25:35,580
and she heard me talk about that in a

560
00:25:41,690 --> 00:25:38,700
very very you know small what I thought

561
00:25:44,090 --> 00:25:41,700
was an anonymous group and apparently

562
00:25:46,850 --> 00:25:44,100
not so it was a breach of 12 step

563
00:25:50,450 --> 00:25:46,860
protocol but at the time so this I think

564
00:25:52,310 --> 00:25:50,460
is what's important I wasn't prepared to

565
00:25:55,310 --> 00:25:52,320
be called out

566
00:25:57,409 --> 00:25:55,320
and I asked her not to print it because

567
00:25:59,750 --> 00:25:57,419
I was working with school kids at the

568
00:26:01,850 --> 00:25:59,760
time and I know like in in schools

569
00:26:04,370 --> 00:26:01,860
there's you know they're super careful

570
00:26:06,289 --> 00:26:04,380
about what we what like if if you have a

571
00:26:08,529 --> 00:26:06,299
background a criminal record for example

572
00:26:10,549 --> 00:26:08,539
or if you've done anything in

573
00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:10,559
quasi-questionable like you can't work

574
00:26:14,149 --> 00:26:12,120
with kids so I thought oh my God this is

575
00:26:15,529 --> 00:26:14,159
going to ruin all this good work that

576
00:26:17,210 --> 00:26:15,539
I've started to do please don't mention

577
00:26:19,130 --> 00:26:17,220
it even though at the beginning of the

578
00:26:22,070 --> 00:26:19,140
interview she said is there anything off

579
00:26:25,190 --> 00:26:22,080
limits I said no I'm an open book you

580
00:26:26,930 --> 00:26:25,200
can ask me anything Famous Last Words

581
00:26:29,090 --> 00:26:26,940
except with Jimmy Church Jimmy church

582
00:26:32,029 --> 00:26:29,100
you can ask me anything at this point

583
00:26:34,310 --> 00:26:32,039
but here's the thing I realized at the

584
00:26:35,330 --> 00:26:34,320
end of that story and I and I Ogle it

585
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:35,340
but

586
00:26:39,950 --> 00:26:38,340
um if anybody's gonna tell my story it's

587
00:26:43,070 --> 00:26:39,960
going to be me I don't want somebody

588
00:26:44,990 --> 00:26:43,080
else telling it so for for the years

589
00:26:48,049 --> 00:26:45,000
between so that was about five years ago

590
00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:48,059
that that happened and it's taken me up

591
00:26:55,549 --> 00:26:50,760
until now to have written my stories

592
00:26:58,310 --> 00:26:55,559
myself so now I stand here today having

593
00:27:00,649 --> 00:26:58,320
done the work the integration work to

594
00:27:03,409 --> 00:27:00,659
love my Shadows to practice what I

595
00:27:05,870 --> 00:27:03,419
preach truly to take every single part

596
00:27:07,970 --> 00:27:05,880
of my past that I thought was horrific

597
00:27:09,950 --> 00:27:07,980
it would cause everybody to run for the

598
00:27:13,310 --> 00:27:09,960
hills get me kicked off the island

599
00:27:15,169 --> 00:27:13,320
burned at the stake all of those things

600
00:27:16,730 --> 00:27:15,179
I've taken every one of those stories

601
00:27:18,529 --> 00:27:16,740
and written them

602
00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:18,539
to the place where I feel like I've

603
00:27:23,330 --> 00:27:21,360
turned my broken heart into art I feel

604
00:27:25,669 --> 00:27:23,340
like these have become something that

605
00:27:28,430 --> 00:27:25,679
now I I wouldn't want to live through

606
00:27:31,370 --> 00:27:28,440
any of these things ever and I wouldn't

607
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:31,380
wish any of them on my worst enemy but

608
00:27:35,870 --> 00:27:33,240
I'm glad that I lived through them and

609
00:27:37,970 --> 00:27:35,880
I'm grateful that I that I'm still alive

610
00:27:41,269 --> 00:27:37,980
and that I learned so much and in fact

611
00:27:43,070 --> 00:27:41,279
the wisdom all the wisdom I have isn't

612
00:27:45,230 --> 00:27:43,080
from the books I've read isn't from

613
00:27:47,090 --> 00:27:45,240
isn't from what the teachers the

614
00:27:48,529 --> 00:27:47,100
greatest teachers in the world that I've

615
00:27:51,710 --> 00:27:48,539
had a chance to interview like you have

616
00:27:54,289 --> 00:27:51,720
Jimmy but it's from my own heart breaks

617
00:27:56,930 --> 00:27:54,299
my the wisdom that I learned

618
00:27:58,370 --> 00:27:56,940
in the School of Hard Knocks and I think

619
00:28:01,190 --> 00:27:58,380
that's where we get the best stuff

620
00:28:05,210 --> 00:28:01,200
except we're in a we we get into a state

621
00:28:07,149 --> 00:28:05,220
of sort of suspended animation suspended

622
00:28:10,190 --> 00:28:07,159
animation can I say that 10 times fast

623
00:28:11,870 --> 00:28:10,200
when when there isn't the Alchemy when

624
00:28:13,909 --> 00:28:11,880
we just take this

625
00:28:16,190 --> 00:28:13,919
this thing that seems so horrible and we

626
00:28:18,769 --> 00:28:16,200
put it in the closet it doesn't become

627
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:18,779
wisdom when it's in the closet but when

628
00:28:22,610 --> 00:28:20,760
we really pull it out and look at it

629
00:28:24,590 --> 00:28:22,620
then all of a sudden I think it's

630
00:28:26,090 --> 00:28:24,600
transformative and that's where I found

631
00:28:31,970 --> 00:28:26,100
that that

632
00:28:34,850 --> 00:28:31,980
how most people know about

633
00:28:38,630 --> 00:28:34,860
post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD but

634
00:28:41,990 --> 00:28:38,640
few people know about ptg which is this

635
00:28:43,970 --> 00:28:42,000
possibility for for all of us to go

636
00:28:47,269 --> 00:28:43,980
through a difficult time and come out

637
00:28:50,390 --> 00:28:47,279
better on the other end but it takes us

638
00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:50,400
really owning our circumstance owning

639
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:52,140
our life owning what we've been through

640
00:28:57,110 --> 00:28:54,960
and not denying it putting it off

641
00:28:59,090 --> 00:28:57,120
blaming it on somebody else but that's

642
00:29:02,470 --> 00:28:59,100
when we can actually come through it

643
00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:02,480
better than we were when we went in

644
00:29:07,149 --> 00:29:05,340
post-traumatic growth was a huge subject

645
00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:07,159
this weekend

646
00:29:12,590 --> 00:29:10,080
a bunch of friends and ptg

647
00:29:15,710 --> 00:29:12,600
post-traumatic growth

648
00:29:18,049 --> 00:29:15,720
um big big big topic of a conversation

649
00:29:20,810 --> 00:29:18,059
talked about it all weekend long with

650
00:29:23,149 --> 00:29:20,820
numerous people and and I found it

651
00:29:26,149 --> 00:29:23,159
fascinating that you know these studies

652
00:29:29,110 --> 00:29:26,159
that have come out that about the

653
00:29:31,610 --> 00:29:29,120
numbers 50 right yeah

654
00:29:34,549 --> 00:29:31,620
of people that have gone through

655
00:29:37,850 --> 00:29:34,559
something traumatic uh come out of the

656
00:29:42,649 --> 00:29:37,860
other side uh better learned learned

657
00:29:47,029 --> 00:29:42,659
right and have had a positive growth uh

658
00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:47,039
situation after that right yeah yeah but

659
00:29:51,710 --> 00:29:49,380
usually I mean it kind of it's in some

660
00:29:54,649 --> 00:29:51,720
way it correlates with the work that

661
00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:54,659
Barbara marks Hubbard was doing that was

662
00:29:58,549 --> 00:29:56,220
talking about the theory of the

663
00:30:00,889 --> 00:29:58,559
dissipation of structures basically

664
00:30:02,870 --> 00:30:00,899
about transformation using the metaphor

665
00:30:07,490 --> 00:30:02,880
of the caterpillar becoming the

666
00:30:09,470 --> 00:30:07,500
butterfly and most of us assume that

667
00:30:12,830 --> 00:30:09,480
every caterpillar that melts down into

668
00:30:14,750 --> 00:30:12,840
goo eventually gets its wings but not

669
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:14,760
every caterpillar gets turns into a

670
00:30:20,330 --> 00:30:17,159
butterfly some of the caterpillars

671
00:30:23,269 --> 00:30:20,340
end right there in that puddle of goo

672
00:30:26,210 --> 00:30:23,279
and it's like us it's not guaranteed

673
00:30:27,289 --> 00:30:26,220
that we're going to have ptg when we go

674
00:30:29,570 --> 00:30:27,299
through something that we're going to

675
00:30:31,850 --> 00:30:29,580
grow and develop wings as a result of it

676
00:30:34,070 --> 00:30:31,860
we have to do some things and some of

677
00:30:36,769 --> 00:30:34,080
the study talks about the people that

678
00:30:39,830 --> 00:30:36,779
move toward their difficulty that that

679
00:30:42,830 --> 00:30:39,840
go into therapy that look that look for

680
00:30:44,570 --> 00:30:42,840
the good that look for the growth then

681
00:30:46,370 --> 00:30:44,580
they tend to find it but there's some

682
00:30:48,409 --> 00:30:46,380
people we have the choice we can go

683
00:30:51,370 --> 00:30:48,419
through something horrific and become

684
00:30:54,230 --> 00:30:51,380
embittered by those those situations

685
00:30:57,710 --> 00:30:54,240
victim I'm a victim and you want to

686
00:30:59,510 --> 00:30:57,720
point fingers and and and blame uh and

687
00:31:02,330 --> 00:30:59,520
which is a complete waste of time by the

688
00:31:04,370 --> 00:31:02,340
way no matter no matter what and it's

689
00:31:06,409 --> 00:31:04,380
those that aren't choosing to go down

690
00:31:07,970 --> 00:31:06,419
that path then there is an opportunity

691
00:31:09,470 --> 00:31:07,980
there for them yeah you're absolutely

692
00:31:12,049 --> 00:31:09,480
right but I think there's I think

693
00:31:14,810 --> 00:31:12,059
there's a and I agree with you but I but

694
00:31:16,970 --> 00:31:14,820
part of my Ogle formula which is how I

695
00:31:20,090 --> 00:31:16,980
suggest and how I practice it is what I

696
00:31:22,669 --> 00:31:20,100
teach my clients how to get through to

697
00:31:24,710 --> 00:31:22,679
transform our tragic into magic is first

698
00:31:27,769 --> 00:31:24,720
we need to give ourselves permission to

699
00:31:30,169 --> 00:31:27,779
be in the O in the what's offensive in

700
00:31:32,930 --> 00:31:30,179
in we can give ourselves that that time

701
00:31:36,889 --> 00:31:32,940
to be in the pain I mean we can't just

702
00:31:39,110 --> 00:31:36,899
completely gloss over it we it it has a

703
00:31:41,930 --> 00:31:39,120
beginning the middle and end and some of

704
00:31:44,149 --> 00:31:41,940
us are too quick to gloss over it and to

705
00:31:45,769 --> 00:31:44,159
be like I'm fine I'm fine nope I'm good

706
00:31:48,169 --> 00:31:45,779
I'm good and then there's all this scar

707
00:31:49,549 --> 00:31:48,179
tissue that we hold on to but we and

708
00:31:51,529 --> 00:31:49,559
then some of us hold on to the pain

709
00:31:53,930 --> 00:31:51,539
maybe a little too long and we're it's

710
00:31:56,090 --> 00:31:53,940
maybe the human race is divided into two

711
00:31:58,310 --> 00:31:56,100
camps some of us glossing over too

712
00:32:00,590 --> 00:31:58,320
quickly some of us holding on a little

713
00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:00,600
too long but whatever it is we need some

714
00:32:07,789 --> 00:32:04,140
time to be real with the pain because

715
00:32:11,029 --> 00:32:07,799
let's face it I mean the shock is real

716
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:11,039
and the pain is real I know when I I

717
00:32:14,269 --> 00:32:12,899
mean in the last few years I lost one of

718
00:32:16,610 --> 00:32:14,279
the things I talk about is all the loved

719
00:32:18,529 --> 00:32:16,620
ones I've lost in the last few years and

720
00:32:21,350 --> 00:32:18,539
even though I I've had a death

721
00:32:23,690 --> 00:32:21,360
experience and I know how glorious it is

722
00:32:26,210 --> 00:32:23,700
on the other side that doesn't stop me

723
00:32:28,549 --> 00:32:26,220
my heart from breaking when when my dogs

724
00:32:29,690 --> 00:32:28,559
died when my best friends died I just

725
00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:29,700
was like

726
00:32:33,590 --> 00:32:31,559
even though I know what's on the other

727
00:32:34,730 --> 00:32:33,600
side and I know that they're so lucky to

728
00:32:36,769 --> 00:32:34,740
be there

729
00:32:39,289 --> 00:32:36,779
I couldn't help but my heart just

730
00:32:41,389 --> 00:32:39,299
breaking and I had to give myself that

731
00:32:43,070 --> 00:32:41,399
grief is tough

732
00:32:46,370 --> 00:32:43,080
I mean It's just tough they're tough and

733
00:32:47,870 --> 00:32:46,380
and some people deal with it in in

734
00:32:50,810 --> 00:32:47,880
certain ways

735
00:32:52,850 --> 00:32:50,820
um the other the other day I'm not going

736
00:32:55,370 --> 00:32:52,860
to dwell on this at all but I was in my

737
00:32:57,230 --> 00:32:55,380
kitchen I'm standing at the sink and I

738
00:32:59,990 --> 00:32:57,240
went man

739
00:33:03,110 --> 00:33:00,000
everybody around me

740
00:33:06,169 --> 00:33:03,120
is dead right I was like going down the

741
00:33:08,269 --> 00:33:06,179
list right I was like you don't know you

742
00:33:08,990 --> 00:33:08,279
know and I know it's my age you know you

743
00:33:12,470 --> 00:33:09,000
don't

744
00:33:16,009 --> 00:33:12,480
down when you're five and six years old

745
00:33:21,370 --> 00:33:16,019
but but I'm just like my dad my brother

746
00:33:29,450 --> 00:33:26,389
oh man you know and and some people just

747
00:33:32,169 --> 00:33:29,460
deal with it uh grief is a is a heavy

748
00:33:35,029 --> 00:33:32,179
thing that that sometimes can take years

749
00:33:38,990 --> 00:33:35,039
all right well yeah there's the study

750
00:33:41,810 --> 00:33:39,000
that says that most people in the the

751
00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:41,820
this survey the study was done on widows

752
00:33:47,210 --> 00:33:43,080
that grieve and they said it takes

753
00:33:51,730 --> 00:33:47,220
between three to eight years to to mourn

754
00:33:54,710 --> 00:33:51,740
to grieve a traumatic loss unless people

755
00:33:57,409 --> 00:33:54,720
actively participate in moving through

756
00:33:59,330 --> 00:33:57,419
the grief and one of the things I

757
00:34:01,669 --> 00:33:59,340
suggest that we do is give ours in the

758
00:34:05,210 --> 00:34:01,679
moments that we feel those those waves

759
00:34:06,470 --> 00:34:05,220
of grief I mean I I've lost a million I

760
00:34:10,310 --> 00:34:06,480
don't know about a million but I've lost

761
00:34:13,250 --> 00:34:10,320
a lot of deeply deeply deep loved loved

762
00:34:14,990 --> 00:34:13,260
ones so when those moments come up where

763
00:34:17,210 --> 00:34:15,000
we're just feeling it we need to give

764
00:34:18,889 --> 00:34:17,220
ourselves that permission but then go

765
00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:18,899
through the Ogle process should I say

766
00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:20,760
what it is just since I keep bringing up

767
00:34:25,010 --> 00:34:22,200
Ogle

768
00:34:28,849 --> 00:34:25,020
yeah we you know what we got way ahead

769
00:34:30,950 --> 00:34:28,859
of our skis didn't we we had it again we

770
00:34:34,310 --> 00:34:30,960
had a plan Jimmy we had a plan which

771
00:34:36,530 --> 00:34:34,320
which we're 30 minutes into the show and

772
00:34:38,869 --> 00:34:36,540
none of it is like the quickie I want to

773
00:34:41,389 --> 00:34:38,879
just say this one thing because when I

774
00:34:43,430 --> 00:34:41,399
think about for example I think about

775
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:43,440
um my best friend Gypsy who passed away

776
00:34:47,270 --> 00:34:46,260
and shoot that was a couple years ago

777
00:34:49,310 --> 00:34:47,280
and

778
00:34:52,609 --> 00:34:49,320
I think about what's offensive about

779
00:34:56,149 --> 00:34:52,619
that is that I had plans for us in our

780
00:34:59,950 --> 00:34:56,159
lives I mean we I planned on having her

781
00:35:02,930 --> 00:34:59,960
around until we're 90. you know and I

782
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:02,940
like what do I do with all that and

783
00:35:06,950 --> 00:35:04,680
there and plus I just miss her in the

784
00:35:08,750 --> 00:35:06,960
day-to-day but what's good about it so I

785
00:35:09,589 --> 00:35:08,760
go into the G for what's good about it

786
00:35:11,569 --> 00:35:09,599
is

787
00:35:14,630 --> 00:35:11,579
oh my god well I had her for all the

788
00:35:18,170 --> 00:35:14,640
years that I did I I have somebody worth

789
00:35:19,670 --> 00:35:18,180
missing I to have you know to have loved

790
00:35:22,310 --> 00:35:19,680
and lost is better than not to have

791
00:35:23,870 --> 00:35:22,320
loved at all and to you know and and I

792
00:35:25,670 --> 00:35:23,880
still have an angel on the other side so

793
00:35:28,849 --> 00:35:25,680
I have to give myself permission to

794
00:35:32,210 --> 00:35:28,859
grieve being the oh what's offensive but

795
00:35:34,790 --> 00:35:32,220
in the G what's good about this is I'm

796
00:35:37,310 --> 00:35:34,800
so lucky to have had somebody like her

797
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:37,320
and she still she shows up all the time

798
00:35:43,069 --> 00:35:40,440
it's kind of like invasive a little but

799
00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:43,079
it's awesome and then the L is for the

800
00:35:48,710 --> 00:35:45,300
Looking Glass how

801
00:35:50,990 --> 00:35:48,720
how do I ghost myself how how do I go in

802
00:35:53,510 --> 00:35:51,000
and out of being present how am I not

803
00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:53,520
fully Alive sometimes when I'm dwelling

804
00:35:57,470 --> 00:35:55,140
on the things that aren't worthy of my

805
00:35:59,510 --> 00:35:57,480
attention I you know I take I'm the one

806
00:36:02,930 --> 00:35:59,520
that is the Grim Reaper of my own life

807
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:02,940
and then the E is for Elevate that's how

808
00:36:08,990 --> 00:36:05,940
will I live a more elevated Life as a

809
00:36:10,790 --> 00:36:09,000
result of of this pain well I'm gonna be

810
00:36:14,150 --> 00:36:10,800
more present with the ones I love and

811
00:36:16,490 --> 00:36:14,160
when I do notice her busting through I

812
00:36:19,490 --> 00:36:16,500
want to really recognize it and and

813
00:36:20,990 --> 00:36:19,500
appreciate it and and take it in instead

814
00:36:22,390 --> 00:36:21,000
of just being like Oh that was cool

815
00:36:25,430 --> 00:36:22,400
whatever

816
00:36:27,050 --> 00:36:25,440
moving on I mean there's so many moments

817
00:36:30,470 --> 00:36:27,060
that I can just

818
00:36:32,329 --> 00:36:30,480
take it in so I think it's important to

819
00:36:34,609 --> 00:36:32,339
acknowledge the sadness and the and and

820
00:36:36,829 --> 00:36:34,619
the fact that we're old enough to lose

821
00:36:39,170 --> 00:36:36,839
people like you know some people don't

822
00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:39,180
have that they they check out too early

823
00:36:45,710 --> 00:36:41,760
there's a lot to be grateful for that is

824
00:36:47,930 --> 00:36:45,720
one of the best points if you're still

825
00:36:50,810 --> 00:36:47,940
around to be bummed out

826
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:50,820
yeah you're ahead of the game man you're

827
00:36:56,930 --> 00:36:54,180
out of the game and and I I actually

828
00:36:59,690 --> 00:36:56,940
have had that thought

829
00:37:01,550 --> 00:36:59,700
right and it could it could definitely

830
00:37:03,290 --> 00:37:01,560
be the other way around and so you're

831
00:37:05,750 --> 00:37:03,300
absolutely right we need to really stop

832
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:05,760
and appreciate uh the fact that we have

833
00:37:10,550 --> 00:37:08,160
the opportunity to to think about and

834
00:37:13,730 --> 00:37:10,560
have the memories right it could be the

835
00:37:16,790 --> 00:37:13,740
other way around it's really that simple

836
00:37:19,370 --> 00:37:16,800
um Can can okay let's get back to the

837
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:22,490
put me in coach yes let's get

838
00:37:28,010 --> 00:37:25,920
um your your writing style

839
00:37:30,170 --> 00:37:28,020
and I've noticed this I've got so many

840
00:37:32,569 --> 00:37:30,180
of your books right your writing style

841
00:37:35,510 --> 00:37:32,579
is just always so cool

842
00:37:37,430 --> 00:37:35,520
um I know you well enough that uh you're

843
00:37:39,829 --> 00:37:37,440
the way that you Converse the way that

844
00:37:43,190 --> 00:37:39,839
you speak and who you are this glowing

845
00:37:45,470 --> 00:37:43,200
uh ray of sunshine that you are but it

846
00:37:49,370 --> 00:37:45,480
always comes across in your writing and

847
00:37:52,190 --> 00:37:49,380
this this this doesn't disappoint but it

848
00:37:53,630 --> 00:37:52,200
had me cracking up and that I can hear

849
00:37:56,630 --> 00:37:53,640
it in your own voice oh by the way

850
00:38:01,310 --> 00:37:56,640
everybody I I I have the first couple of

851
00:38:02,750 --> 00:38:01,320
chapters of uh the the audiobook in in

852
00:38:05,329 --> 00:38:02,760
her voice

853
00:38:06,370 --> 00:38:05,339
I've got that going for me too

854
00:38:08,930 --> 00:38:06,380
um but

855
00:38:12,410 --> 00:38:08,940
the way we're going to talk about

856
00:38:14,630 --> 00:38:12,420
Persephone and so when I saw I didn't

857
00:38:16,849 --> 00:38:14,640
know where you were going with this

858
00:38:20,089 --> 00:38:16,859
and uh

859
00:38:24,410 --> 00:38:20,099
um there was uh you you said something

860
00:38:27,349 --> 00:38:24,420
in the very okay first off uh who she is

861
00:38:29,210 --> 00:38:27,359
and and that part of Mythology and and

862
00:38:31,790 --> 00:38:29,220
her story

863
00:38:35,089 --> 00:38:31,800
um your typical you know Greek tragedy I

864
00:38:38,450 --> 00:38:35,099
might add or or something like that but

865
00:38:42,470 --> 00:38:38,460
um uh it could have been written in no

866
00:38:43,010 --> 00:38:42,480
you wrote it in your voice with

867
00:38:46,010 --> 00:38:43,020
um

868
00:38:47,329 --> 00:38:46,020
uh so anyway so I'm I'm reading through

869
00:38:49,970 --> 00:38:47,339
and then we're going to get to

870
00:38:51,829 --> 00:38:49,980
Persephone but you said you said this

871
00:38:54,650 --> 00:38:51,839
you go

872
00:38:58,250 --> 00:38:54,660
so uh you said something like uh so she

873
00:38:59,950 --> 00:38:58,260
whiffs the flower and he said the

874
00:39:04,930 --> 00:38:59,960
flowers narcotic

875
00:39:11,329 --> 00:39:08,710
he didn't just do that okay

876
00:39:14,089 --> 00:39:11,339
we got a different version of Persephone

877
00:39:17,089 --> 00:39:14,099
that's about to be laid out here

878
00:39:19,069 --> 00:39:17,099
um so why why take this approach

879
00:39:22,329 --> 00:39:19,079
um and and why did you choose Persephone

880
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:22,339
uh to to set up the book

881
00:39:30,530 --> 00:39:27,000
well I have always been a fan of of the

882
00:39:32,390 --> 00:39:30,540
Greek myths and the goddesses and of all

883
00:39:35,150 --> 00:39:32,400
the Greek goddesses the one that I

884
00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:35,160
relate to the most is Persephone and

885
00:39:39,650 --> 00:39:37,500
for people who don't know which one she

886
00:39:41,930 --> 00:39:39,660
is she's she's actually known as the

887
00:39:43,310 --> 00:39:41,940
triple goddess because she starts off

888
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:43,320
kind of like what we were talking about

889
00:39:48,710 --> 00:39:45,359
earlier she starts off all innocent

890
00:39:50,990 --> 00:39:48,720
she's the maiden she's frolicking

891
00:39:53,230 --> 00:39:51,000
through the meadow with butterflies

892
00:39:56,210 --> 00:39:53,240
landing on her shoulder

893
00:39:58,849 --> 00:39:56,220
everything is just hunky-dory she's

894
00:40:01,849 --> 00:39:58,859
cartwheeling it's just fabulous and

895
00:40:05,329 --> 00:40:01,859
little does she know that Hades is

896
00:40:08,329 --> 00:40:05,339
stalking her he got of the underworld

897
00:40:10,910 --> 00:40:08,339
is watching her and he's waiting for his

898
00:40:12,230 --> 00:40:10,920
moment and it was the moment that she

899
00:40:15,109 --> 00:40:12,240
gets the whiff and I won't tell the

900
00:40:17,930 --> 00:40:15,119
whole story I will but but I she she

901
00:40:21,530 --> 00:40:17,940
gets abducted she gets pulled into the

902
00:40:25,790 --> 00:40:21,540
underworld by Hades and scaly hand and

903
00:40:27,710 --> 00:40:25,800
and her life on Earth is over and

904
00:40:30,890 --> 00:40:27,720
Demeter her mother who was the

905
00:40:33,230 --> 00:40:30,900
helicopter parent she's she puts out of

906
00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:33,240
all points bulletin she turns the world

907
00:40:37,930 --> 00:40:35,400
to ice there's no more Harvest until you

908
00:40:41,210 --> 00:40:37,940
bring back my daughter but meanwhile

909
00:40:42,950 --> 00:40:41,220
Persephone is in the Underworld and

910
00:40:45,890 --> 00:40:42,960
she's running and trying to hide and

911
00:40:48,230 --> 00:40:45,900
just like ew gross oh my God what is

912
00:40:51,530 --> 00:40:48,240
this place oh oh

913
00:40:55,430 --> 00:40:51,540
and Hades is like

914
00:40:57,589 --> 00:40:55,440
place you can run but you can't hide so

915
00:41:00,770 --> 00:40:57,599
I want you to be my queen and she's like

916
00:41:03,530 --> 00:41:00,780
uh ew I'm a virgin

917
00:41:05,690 --> 00:41:03,540
um and he doesn't care he does

918
00:41:07,190 --> 00:41:05,700
everything he rapes her whatever all the

919
00:41:10,790 --> 00:41:07,200
stuff that happens in the Underworld

920
00:41:12,170 --> 00:41:10,800
it's bad but eventually she says well if

921
00:41:15,170 --> 00:41:12,180
you can't beat him join them kind of

922
00:41:17,210 --> 00:41:15,180
like potty Hearst she she becomes Queen

923
00:41:20,210 --> 00:41:17,220
of the underworld and says well if you

924
00:41:23,210 --> 00:41:20,220
can't beat him join them so she learns

925
00:41:26,210 --> 00:41:23,220
the tarot she learns all about the dark

926
00:41:28,790 --> 00:41:26,220
arts and she's like this is kind of cool

927
00:41:31,069 --> 00:41:28,800
I mean I didn't seek out to learn these

928
00:41:33,410 --> 00:41:31,079
things but while I'm here when in Rome

929
00:41:35,990 --> 00:41:33,420
might as well learn about psychic

930
00:41:38,210 --> 00:41:36,000
phenomenon and all this all this stuff

931
00:41:39,829 --> 00:41:38,220
and so she becomes kind of a badass down

932
00:41:42,050 --> 00:41:39,839
there in the moment

933
00:41:44,690 --> 00:41:42,060
she's comfortable the moment she's found

934
00:41:47,210 --> 00:41:44,700
her groove is the moment that Demeter

935
00:41:49,130 --> 00:41:47,220
makes the bargain with Zeus the father

936
00:41:51,410 --> 00:41:49,140
of all that sees everything just like

937
00:41:53,569 --> 00:41:51,420
Zeus I know you know where Persephone is

938
00:41:56,210 --> 00:41:53,579
because you know where everybody is so

939
00:41:59,150 --> 00:41:56,220
bring her back or there will be no more

940
00:42:00,410 --> 00:41:59,160
food on Earth that means no humans to

941
00:42:02,870 --> 00:42:00,420
worship you

942
00:42:05,150 --> 00:42:02,880
and Zeus is like oh you got me there

943
00:42:07,910 --> 00:42:05,160
that's my only weak spot I need people

944
00:42:10,750 --> 00:42:07,920
to worship me so all right Hades you got

945
00:42:14,150 --> 00:42:10,760
to give Persephone back so Persephone

946
00:42:17,930 --> 00:42:14,160
comes back and she's all kind of blocked

947
00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:17,940
out Apollo goes down Apollo goes down on

948
00:42:24,430 --> 00:42:20,339
his winged Chariot rescues her brings

949
00:42:27,349 --> 00:42:24,440
her back up to Earth but she's

950
00:42:29,690 --> 00:42:27,359
discombobulated so she's not the

951
00:42:33,710 --> 00:42:29,700
innocent girl she once was

952
00:42:36,349 --> 00:42:33,720
she's no longer queen of Darkness

953
00:42:38,050 --> 00:42:36,359
who is she so there's a period of time

954
00:42:40,730 --> 00:42:38,060
of of

955
00:42:45,050 --> 00:42:40,740
disequilibrium until she eventually

956
00:42:47,390 --> 00:42:45,060
finds her way into owning oh I am all of

957
00:42:50,030 --> 00:42:47,400
the above so she's three goddesses for

958
00:42:54,730 --> 00:42:50,040
the price of one she is innocence

959
00:42:57,230 --> 00:42:54,740
perpetually she is the queen of Darkness

960
00:43:09,890 --> 00:42:57,240
you left out the key though hold on hold

961
00:43:13,849 --> 00:43:11,390
yeah

962
00:43:15,710 --> 00:43:13,859
on The Chariot Hades is like oh you must

963
00:43:19,130 --> 00:43:15,720
be hungry it's been a while since you've

964
00:43:21,290 --> 00:43:19,140
eaten let me let me give you a few six

965
00:43:24,290 --> 00:43:21,300
pomegranate seeds and she's like I'm

966
00:43:26,990 --> 00:43:24,300
famished give me those so she gobbles

967
00:43:29,210 --> 00:43:27,000
them up and bingo she didn't read the

968
00:43:31,790 --> 00:43:29,220
fine print because nobody ever told her

969
00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:31,800
that you can't eat anything in the

970
00:43:37,250 --> 00:43:34,260
Underworld otherwise you are tied to the

971
00:43:40,849 --> 00:43:37,260
underworld forever so

972
00:43:42,710 --> 00:43:40,859
Hades godder so she is supposed to come

973
00:43:44,630 --> 00:43:42,720
back every every six months and

974
00:43:47,630 --> 00:43:44,640
basically this is how we get our Seasons

975
00:43:50,690 --> 00:43:47,640
it used to be Perpetual Springtime on

976
00:43:54,349 --> 00:43:50,700
Earth but because of Persephone's

977
00:43:57,890 --> 00:43:54,359
abduction and her return we have all the

978
00:43:59,329 --> 00:43:57,900
seasons that we have today so I resonate

979
00:44:02,630 --> 00:43:59,339
with her because

980
00:44:04,730 --> 00:44:02,640
to me she's she's deep and she's she's

981
00:44:06,470 --> 00:44:04,740
been she knows innocence I mean I feel

982
00:44:08,990 --> 00:44:06,480
like there's a part of me that is that

983
00:44:11,930 --> 00:44:09,000
relates to the Disney princesses like I

984
00:44:15,230 --> 00:44:11,940
like happy things I like butterflies I

985
00:44:19,069 --> 00:44:15,240
like Springtime and I've also done my

986
00:44:22,670 --> 00:44:19,079
Tour of Duty many times in the Land of

987
00:44:24,950 --> 00:44:22,680
Shadows and I have found my way out some

988
00:44:27,890 --> 00:44:24,960
people get stuck down there and

989
00:44:30,290 --> 00:44:27,900
Persephone's job is to help take the

990
00:44:32,270 --> 00:44:30,300
ones who've been stuck down there and

991
00:44:34,250 --> 00:44:32,280
help show them the way out that's what I

992
00:44:36,170 --> 00:44:34,260
do as a therapist that's why people

993
00:44:38,690 --> 00:44:36,180
bring their nightmares to me because I

994
00:44:40,910 --> 00:44:38,700
can see the path that those nightmares

995
00:44:42,950 --> 00:44:40,920
are Illuminating and also there's the

996
00:44:45,530 --> 00:44:42,960
people who are stuck in the upper world

997
00:44:48,290 --> 00:44:45,540
that have never even dipped their toe

998
00:44:50,329 --> 00:44:48,300
into the darkness and I also say hey

999
00:44:53,569 --> 00:44:50,339
come here take a look at this you're

1000
00:44:56,450 --> 00:44:53,579
missing out haha you know it's like so

1001
00:44:58,670 --> 00:44:56,460
we to me she's just kind of the whole

1002
00:45:02,690 --> 00:44:58,680
the whole thing she's the deep dish

1003
00:45:04,849 --> 00:45:02,700
goddess and and I love her so she's kind

1004
00:45:07,370 --> 00:45:04,859
of the patron saint of my book I begin

1005
00:45:11,450 --> 00:45:07,380
the book and end the book with

1006
00:45:13,490 --> 00:45:11,460
Persephone now and and and there's so

1007
00:45:19,270 --> 00:45:13,500
many there's like an esops Fable here

1008
00:45:22,670 --> 00:45:19,280
right yeah or a tragic grief uh Greek

1009
00:45:25,309 --> 00:45:22,680
which is this no matter what when you're

1010
00:45:27,829 --> 00:45:25,319
walking down the street and you you see

1011
00:45:31,130 --> 00:45:27,839
somebody and you think to yourself like

1012
00:45:34,010 --> 00:45:31,140
it's she lives a perfect life look at

1013
00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:34,020
her or him right look look at everybody

1014
00:45:43,130 --> 00:45:39,480
yeah oh no you know everybody has got

1015
00:45:45,770 --> 00:45:43,140
their thing and in Persephone's case man

1016
00:45:48,589 --> 00:45:45,780
I mean she got she got dragged down you

1017
00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:48,599
know by Hades now we perceive her a

1018
00:45:53,329 --> 00:45:50,760
certain way right frolicking in the Mist

1019
00:45:55,069 --> 00:45:53,339
right butterflies right you know all of

1020
00:45:58,550 --> 00:45:55,079
that I love the cart wheels by the way

1021
00:46:01,730 --> 00:45:58,560
right yeah but look what she carries

1022
00:46:04,790 --> 00:46:01,740
with her and everybody has that so you

1023
00:46:06,829 --> 00:46:04,800
know just just don't don't judge and

1024
00:46:09,109 --> 00:46:06,839
don't don't think that somebody else has

1025
00:46:12,230 --> 00:46:09,119
got it all good because they've got the

1026
00:46:14,510 --> 00:46:12,240
same story as you do no matter how bad

1027
00:46:15,470 --> 00:46:14,520
you think it is they they also have the

1028
00:46:17,809 --> 00:46:15,480
same things

1029
00:46:21,109 --> 00:46:17,819
right and that's one of the things that

1030
00:46:23,089 --> 00:46:21,119
I I love having put this book out in the

1031
00:46:25,190 --> 00:46:23,099
world which was very scary to do by the

1032
00:46:27,770 --> 00:46:25,200
way it was like I can't believe I'm

1033
00:46:30,470 --> 00:46:27,780
doing this I was having heart palpitas

1034
00:46:32,710 --> 00:46:30,480
still having heart palpitations but I'm

1035
00:46:35,870 --> 00:46:32,720
finding that with it out in the world

1036
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:35,880
people are kind of revealing their

1037
00:46:41,380 --> 00:46:38,640
secrets to me too kind of like what

1038
00:46:44,890 --> 00:46:41,390
happens on the date that I write

1039
00:46:48,290 --> 00:46:44,900
[Laughter]

1040
00:46:52,490 --> 00:46:48,300
the palpitations are because of me I get

1041
00:46:54,349 --> 00:46:52,500
that you know Jimmy Church you just

1042
00:47:00,349 --> 00:46:54,359
gotta work through it Kelly you gotta

1043
00:47:04,670 --> 00:47:01,750
um

1044
00:47:07,370 --> 00:47:04,680
the uh I'm looking at the clock so we're

1045
00:47:10,750 --> 00:47:07,380
gonna get straight to this because there

1046
00:47:15,290 --> 00:47:10,760
is again this is written in in you know

1047
00:47:17,990 --> 00:47:15,300
the way that you get your your brain out

1048
00:47:20,809 --> 00:47:18,000
right and get this written I love that

1049
00:47:23,450 --> 00:47:20,819
part of it because uh you've got this

1050
00:47:25,730 --> 00:47:23,460
chapter called I'm just gonna it's

1051
00:47:28,089 --> 00:47:25,740
published now so I can say it my

1052
00:47:30,950 --> 00:47:28,099
nitty-gritty shitty list

1053
00:47:32,270 --> 00:47:30,960
and we all have one don't we

1054
00:47:35,690 --> 00:47:32,280
we do

1055
00:47:42,430 --> 00:47:35,700
we all have one when uh you decided

1056
00:47:48,290 --> 00:47:46,309
I have to I have to say it's um I

1057
00:47:50,329 --> 00:47:48,300
thought about something I heard Marianne

1058
00:47:52,670 --> 00:47:50,339
Williamson say years ago where she said

1059
00:47:54,470 --> 00:47:52,680
when somebody was asking her about how

1060
00:47:58,190 --> 00:47:54,480
much do you tell people about yourself

1061
00:47:59,809 --> 00:47:58,200
and she said if they're gonna pass let

1062
00:48:03,650 --> 00:47:59,819
them pass early

1063
00:48:06,230 --> 00:48:03,660
instead of like yeah like hooking people

1064
00:48:08,030 --> 00:48:06,240
along with all the Razzle Dazzle all the

1065
00:48:10,190 --> 00:48:08,040
oh here's the best thing and the best

1066
00:48:11,510 --> 00:48:10,200
thing and then you're in a few years

1067
00:48:14,270 --> 00:48:11,520
down the line and then you're like

1068
00:48:17,150 --> 00:48:14,280
kablam here's the truth ah why didn't

1069
00:48:19,190 --> 00:48:17,160
you tell me I mean why not just lay it

1070
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:19,200
all out right at the beginning and if

1071
00:48:24,829 --> 00:48:20,760
somebody wants to pass let them pass

1072
00:48:27,890 --> 00:48:24,839
early okay so yeah and you know with

1073
00:48:31,010 --> 00:48:27,900
with Marianne I remember uh speaking to

1074
00:48:32,990 --> 00:48:31,020
her once she ran uh for office she rough

1075
00:48:34,670 --> 00:48:33,000
for governor right was the governor what

1076
00:48:37,150 --> 00:48:34,680
is that for president or president

1077
00:48:40,010 --> 00:48:37,160
that's what it was so she's yeah yeah

1078
00:48:44,630 --> 00:48:40,020
and uh you you and I were there when

1079
00:48:47,270 --> 00:48:44,640
when uh anyway it doesn't matter so yeah

1080
00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:47,280
I was like are you are you a little

1081
00:48:53,030 --> 00:48:51,660
nervous I mean because you've got you

1082
00:48:55,430 --> 00:48:53,040
and our community

1083
00:48:57,530 --> 00:48:55,440
and then you've got the you and our

1084
00:48:58,849 --> 00:48:57,540
community that is about to get exposed

1085
00:49:00,530 --> 00:48:58,859
to everybody as you're running for

1086
00:49:03,650 --> 00:49:00,540
office right

1087
00:49:06,530 --> 00:49:03,660
um you know and what do you do do you do

1088
00:49:08,750 --> 00:49:06,540
you just put that in your CV out of the

1089
00:49:10,730 --> 00:49:08,760
gate as as you're running for office you

1090
00:49:12,530 --> 00:49:10,740
know running for president uh because

1091
00:49:15,050 --> 00:49:12,540
it's going to come out and I remember

1092
00:49:17,870 --> 00:49:15,060
reading some things

1093
00:49:20,030 --> 00:49:17,880
um in the Press about her

1094
00:49:22,309 --> 00:49:20,040
um where they were going

1095
00:49:25,130 --> 00:49:22,319
you know after the spiritual side and

1096
00:49:27,170 --> 00:49:25,140
and the community side of things but man

1097
00:49:29,750 --> 00:49:27,180
that that's just not fair they're trying

1098
00:49:33,410 --> 00:49:29,760
to paint this picture because she is so

1099
00:49:35,930 --> 00:49:33,420
smart and so well oh God yeah you know

1100
00:49:39,470 --> 00:49:35,940
so we need to be pragmatic as well I

1101
00:49:42,589 --> 00:49:39,480
mean for being such a spiritual teacher

1102
00:49:45,109 --> 00:49:42,599
and leader she's incredibly grounded and

1103
00:49:48,290 --> 00:49:45,119
yeah she speaks from A Course in

1104
00:49:51,050 --> 00:49:48,300
Miracles which I think is is amazing but

1105
00:49:53,990 --> 00:49:51,060
she gets to the spiritual and she gets

1106
00:49:55,790 --> 00:49:54,000
to the nitty-gritty pretty pretty well I

1107
00:49:58,550 --> 00:49:55,800
mean and she talks about how the

1108
00:50:01,910 --> 00:49:58,560
founders of our country were very

1109
00:50:04,430 --> 00:50:01,920
spiritual and I mean it takes people

1110
00:50:05,809 --> 00:50:04,440
with with vision to be able to run a

1111
00:50:07,970 --> 00:50:05,819
country and I don't want to get all

1112
00:50:10,490 --> 00:50:07,980
political here because I don't want to

1113
00:50:13,430 --> 00:50:10,500
be in that divisive kind of place but I

1114
00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:13,440
think she's I think she's amazing yeah

1115
00:50:20,690 --> 00:50:17,760
it was I was like man I'm I'm proud you

1116
00:50:24,650 --> 00:50:20,700
know and everything but I thought you're

1117
00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:24,660
just right I'm so I was so proud of her

1118
00:50:29,750 --> 00:50:26,400
and I hope she runs again I mean I think

1119
00:50:32,510 --> 00:50:29,760
she I think she might and um I would

1120
00:50:33,829 --> 00:50:32,520
support her well it's a difference see

1121
00:50:35,930 --> 00:50:33,839
it's a different world now though

1122
00:50:39,349 --> 00:50:35,940
because when she ran before this was

1123
00:50:41,630 --> 00:50:39,359
this was before the UFO conversation and

1124
00:50:44,390 --> 00:50:41,640
before the universe conversation and

1125
00:50:46,550 --> 00:50:44,400
before the spiritual God no that was a

1126
00:50:48,349 --> 00:50:46,560
that was a different thing going on when

1127
00:50:52,490 --> 00:50:48,359
she ran last time which was what now

1128
00:50:55,490 --> 00:50:52,500
almost eight years ago yeah yeah yeah so

1129
00:50:58,010 --> 00:50:55,500
no it's no she it it's she would be

1130
00:51:01,870 --> 00:50:58,020
perceived differently she it's uh nah

1131
00:51:06,650 --> 00:51:01,880
maybe maybe who knows yeah okay so

1132
00:51:09,290 --> 00:51:06,660
anyway my nitty-gritty shitty list

1133
00:51:11,930 --> 00:51:09,300
um yeah let's just let's just jump right

1134
00:51:14,930 --> 00:51:11,940
into the view uh

1135
00:51:16,910 --> 00:51:14,940
first date I don't know how you've got

1136
00:51:19,270 --> 00:51:16,920
this guy at the table or how this first

1137
00:51:21,910 --> 00:51:19,280
game happened

1138
00:51:24,470 --> 00:51:21,920
well this is this is really the only

1139
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:24,480
fictional part of this this is kind of

1140
00:51:30,770 --> 00:51:26,760
just to imagine because I shall I just

1141
00:51:33,049 --> 00:51:30,780
read a little bit here absolutely go so

1142
00:51:35,750 --> 00:51:33,059
well it starts off with you might be

1143
00:51:37,970 --> 00:51:35,760
wondering what in God's name am I a

1144
00:51:40,250 --> 00:51:37,980
white 54 year old woman from a middle

1145
00:51:42,770 --> 00:51:40,260
class family in the U.S living in the

1146
00:51:45,589 --> 00:51:42,780
21st century doing writing a book with

1147
00:51:47,990 --> 00:51:45,599
the word crisis in the title my Irish

1148
00:51:50,569 --> 00:51:48,000
ancestors survivors of the Potato Famine

1149
00:51:53,510 --> 00:51:50,579
would scoff in their grave ugh what does

1150
00:51:56,510 --> 00:51:53,520
our girl know about crisis ancestry

1151
00:51:57,470 --> 00:51:56,520
aside let's pretend you and I are on a

1152
00:52:00,410 --> 00:51:57,480
first date

1153
00:52:03,109 --> 00:52:00,420
in a lovely restaurant

1154
00:52:04,790 --> 00:52:03,119
seated at a window side booth and we

1155
00:52:07,370 --> 00:52:04,800
just ordered dinner

1156
00:52:10,430 --> 00:52:07,380
As We Sip floral wine from crystal

1157
00:52:13,730 --> 00:52:10,440
glasses you look across the table

1158
00:52:16,430 --> 00:52:13,740
past the red rose and the VAS and the

1159
00:52:18,530 --> 00:52:16,440
flickering candle smiling as you

1160
00:52:22,190 --> 00:52:18,540
innocently say

1161
00:52:25,790 --> 00:52:22,200
so tell me about yourself

1162
00:52:29,450 --> 00:52:25,800
I clear my throat and dab the cloth the

1163
00:52:33,109 --> 00:52:29,460
napkin to my lips take a breath look you

1164
00:52:35,329 --> 00:52:33,119
intently in the eye and reply ah thanks

1165
00:52:37,910 --> 00:52:35,339
I'm happy to

1166
00:52:40,069 --> 00:52:37,920
yeah Jimmy there are a few things you

1167
00:52:42,829 --> 00:52:40,079
should know about me if we're gonna have

1168
00:52:45,710 --> 00:52:42,839
a relationship Beyond this date

1169
00:52:48,109 --> 00:52:45,720
first I'll get my nitty-gritty shitty

1170
00:52:51,109 --> 00:52:48,119
list out of the way

1171
00:52:53,870 --> 00:52:51,119
um as I reach into my purse I say I've

1172
00:52:58,370 --> 00:52:53,880
prepared a document for just such an

1173
00:53:02,270 --> 00:52:58,380
occasion I have it right here right

1174
00:53:05,690 --> 00:53:02,280
I you watch Spellbound as I unfurl a

1175
00:53:08,030 --> 00:53:05,700
very very long scroll from my purse

1176
00:53:10,250 --> 00:53:08,040
Clear My Throat again

1177
00:53:13,910 --> 00:53:10,260
um and read aloud

1178
00:53:17,990 --> 00:53:13,920
well I pursued acting in my 20s I had

1179
00:53:20,809 --> 00:53:18,000
over 100 indecent hashtag me to s

1180
00:53:23,270 --> 00:53:20,819
propositions one of those led to me

1181
00:53:27,109 --> 00:53:23,280
becoming a stripper in a bikini bar for

1182
00:53:29,510 --> 00:53:27,119
a year and then I was robbed five times

1183
00:53:32,210 --> 00:53:29,520
it was physically assaulted and nearly

1184
00:53:36,170 --> 00:53:32,220
raped four times was in three car

1185
00:53:40,130 --> 00:53:36,180
accidents contemplated suicide twice was

1186
00:53:42,770 --> 00:53:40,140
mauled by dogs once jumped off a 60-foot

1187
00:53:46,010 --> 00:53:42,780
high cliff and landed ass first in the

1188
00:53:48,410 --> 00:53:46,020
water bounced checks dropped out of

1189
00:53:51,650 --> 00:53:48,420
college shoplifted

1190
00:53:53,690 --> 00:53:51,660
dabbled in Eating Disorders I used to be

1191
00:53:55,990 --> 00:53:53,700
irresistibly drawn to dysfunctional

1192
00:54:00,130 --> 00:53:56,000
relationships where I was lied to

1193
00:54:03,170 --> 00:54:00,140
manipulated conned cheated rejected

1194
00:54:05,930 --> 00:54:03,180
stalked forced to file restraining

1195
00:54:08,750 --> 00:54:05,940
orders was up close and personal with

1196
00:54:14,630 --> 00:54:11,990
no longer by the way all of this has led

1197
00:54:17,630 --> 00:54:14,640
me to become a commitment phobe with a

1198
00:54:19,910 --> 00:54:17,640
Messianic complex an insecure

1199
00:54:23,450 --> 00:54:19,920
codependent workaholic

1200
00:54:26,329 --> 00:54:23,460
in grief over the recent-ish death of

1201
00:54:29,150 --> 00:54:26,339
over a dozen loved ones including two

1202
00:54:31,849 --> 00:54:29,160
lifelong best friends Teresa and Gypsy

1203
00:54:35,210 --> 00:54:31,859
and most recently my lap dogs and

1204
00:54:37,130 --> 00:54:35,220
constant companions Lola and Priya

1205
00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:37,140
but my biggest heartbreak was the death

1206
00:54:42,950 --> 00:54:40,740
of a baby I was scheduled to adopt

1207
00:54:45,530 --> 00:54:42,960
and in the time it took me to tell you

1208
00:54:47,990 --> 00:54:45,540
all this I've had one of the 50 hot

1209
00:54:51,049 --> 00:54:48,000
flashes I'll experience today

1210
00:54:53,030 --> 00:54:51,059
so now that we've gotten that out of the

1211
00:54:55,329 --> 00:54:53,040
way I'm going to the little girls room

1212
00:55:01,210 --> 00:54:55,339
and if you're still here when I return

1213
00:55:09,470 --> 00:55:05,390
and to to do that

1214
00:55:11,690 --> 00:55:09,480
um did you make a decision to do it or

1215
00:55:14,809 --> 00:55:11,700
did this just come out of the process

1216
00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:14,819
and then it just flowed out because

1217
00:55:19,250 --> 00:55:16,740
that's a bit that's a big step that's a

1218
00:55:23,870 --> 00:55:20,329
I think

1219
00:55:26,210 --> 00:55:23,880
the the writing process I mean I've done

1220
00:55:29,690 --> 00:55:26,220
every healing modality known to

1221
00:55:31,370 --> 00:55:29,700
humankind and I don't think there is a

1222
00:55:34,670 --> 00:55:31,380
healing modality more powerful than

1223
00:55:36,770 --> 00:55:34,680
writing so I'm a big Advocate I'm now I

1224
00:55:38,630 --> 00:55:36,780
teach a class for people that are that

1225
00:55:40,670 --> 00:55:38,640
are wanting to heal via the stories that

1226
00:55:42,650 --> 00:55:40,680
they write because it's I've found that

1227
00:55:45,470 --> 00:55:42,660
yes DreamWork is powerful but couple

1228
00:55:48,109 --> 00:55:45,480
that with writing it's amazing so I

1229
00:55:50,569 --> 00:55:48,119
think I first just wrote the stories

1230
00:55:53,150 --> 00:55:50,579
thank you to that reporter that was

1231
00:55:55,130 --> 00:55:53,160
definitely a trigger for me to write my

1232
00:55:57,470 --> 00:55:55,140
stories but I think when we write we

1233
00:55:59,690 --> 00:55:57,480
don't do it for anybody else but us it's

1234
00:56:02,210 --> 00:55:59,700
just kind of journaling

1235
00:56:05,150 --> 00:56:02,220
and then there's a small group of people

1236
00:56:07,970 --> 00:56:05,160
that I that I share my my work with

1237
00:56:09,349 --> 00:56:07,980
every week and sometimes I'm like oh my

1238
00:56:11,270 --> 00:56:09,359
God you guys I'm going to read this to

1239
00:56:12,890 --> 00:56:11,280
you but you're gonna freak out okay put

1240
00:56:14,750 --> 00:56:12,900
on your big girl panties you're gonna

1241
00:56:16,910 --> 00:56:14,760
like put a bubble around yourself so you

1242
00:56:19,010 --> 00:56:16,920
can handle it and sometimes I think

1243
00:56:21,530 --> 00:56:19,020
they're gonna say okay yeah don't ever

1244
00:56:23,809 --> 00:56:21,540
publish that but after I read this piece

1245
00:56:27,470 --> 00:56:23,819
they were like you've got to publish

1246
00:56:31,370 --> 00:56:27,480
that that like it's just

1247
00:56:33,049 --> 00:56:31,380
I don't know so it felt like it had it

1248
00:56:35,390 --> 00:56:33,059
had me but there was something in the

1249
00:56:36,589 --> 00:56:35,400
writing of it that also took the power

1250
00:56:38,390 --> 00:56:36,599
away

1251
00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:38,400
because all of these things by

1252
00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:40,440
themselves felt like they were marks

1253
00:56:44,390 --> 00:56:42,240
against me

1254
00:56:47,630 --> 00:56:44,400
um I mean literally I'd had I've had

1255
00:56:49,730 --> 00:56:47,640
dreams where I was being run out of town

1256
00:56:53,089 --> 00:56:49,740
with people holding

1257
00:56:55,250 --> 00:56:53,099
um torches and rakes and I'm sure I was

1258
00:56:58,430 --> 00:56:55,260
I burnt at the stake in other lifetimes

1259
00:57:01,010 --> 00:56:58,440
so the idea of coming out is is

1260
00:57:04,309 --> 00:57:01,020
terrifying because it hits some PTSD

1261
00:57:05,809 --> 00:57:04,319
that's that's still in there but but the

1262
00:57:08,750 --> 00:57:05,819
writing of it there's something about

1263
00:57:11,030 --> 00:57:08,760
writing that makes things right it's

1264
00:57:13,910 --> 00:57:11,040
like it kind of felt like it turned to

1265
00:57:16,670 --> 00:57:13,920
gold in some way like wow

1266
00:57:19,190 --> 00:57:16,680
this doesn't have the power it used to

1267
00:57:21,349 --> 00:57:19,200
have over me I mean the fact that I'm

1268
00:57:23,809 --> 00:57:21,359
still I'm not completely blushing I'm

1269
00:57:27,710 --> 00:57:23,819
not completely fuchsia right now is kind

1270
00:57:31,069 --> 00:57:27,720
of a miracle it means that yeah I showed

1271
00:57:32,809 --> 00:57:31,079
you mine now show me yours and if you if

1272
00:57:35,690 --> 00:57:32,819
you want to because you know we all have

1273
00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:35,700
to come to sharing our secrets in our

1274
00:57:39,530 --> 00:57:37,859
own time but I but I think this is the

1275
00:57:41,690 --> 00:57:39,540
work that our dreams are trying to help

1276
00:57:45,290 --> 00:57:41,700
us do they're trying to help us heal

1277
00:57:48,370 --> 00:57:45,300
those things that are in our closet and

1278
00:57:51,710 --> 00:57:48,380
I think if we can do some work by by day

1279
00:57:53,270 --> 00:57:51,720
to help that process along then it's

1280
00:57:55,730 --> 00:57:53,280
like we're kind of working hand in hand

1281
00:57:57,890 --> 00:57:55,740
with our with our dreams so that we can

1282
00:58:00,829 --> 00:57:57,900
flush all that stuff out so that we can

1283
00:58:03,109 --> 00:58:00,839
get present tense with our lives so I

1284
00:58:04,609 --> 00:58:03,119
feel like there's it's hard to admit

1285
00:58:08,390 --> 00:58:04,619
these things

1286
00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:08,400
there must be some other self-esteem in

1287
00:58:12,950 --> 00:58:10,500
me that knows I'm not completely a piece

1288
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:12,960
of trash otherwise I wouldn't be able to

1289
00:58:17,510 --> 00:58:14,700
reveal it so I think

1290
00:58:19,670 --> 00:58:17,520
you know for if I thought I was those

1291
00:58:21,950 --> 00:58:19,680
things and that was all that I was I

1292
00:58:23,390 --> 00:58:21,960
wouldn't be able to say I wouldn't be

1293
00:58:25,430 --> 00:58:23,400
able to reveal it I'd say no I'm perfect

1294
00:58:27,890 --> 00:58:25,440
what are you talking about I would have

1295
00:58:31,309 --> 00:58:27,900
to deflect but I think in the writing of

1296
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:31,319
it I was able to see wow

1297
00:58:35,930 --> 00:58:34,260
I I'm proud of myself just like the

1298
00:58:37,789 --> 00:58:35,940
there's the scar for anybody who's

1299
00:58:40,250 --> 00:58:37,799
watching I have one of the stories in

1300
00:58:42,410 --> 00:58:40,260
the book is about me getting mauled by a

1301
00:58:45,650 --> 00:58:42,420
bull mastiff and you can still sort of

1302
00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:45,660
see this car on my list let me see if I

1303
00:58:52,069 --> 00:58:47,700
can pull this up hold on hold on hold on

1304
00:58:53,809 --> 00:58:52,079
I mean it's it's small at this point

1305
00:58:57,710 --> 00:58:53,819
it's right

1306
00:59:00,170 --> 00:58:57,720
that's kind of an indentation oh yeah

1307
00:59:02,150 --> 00:59:00,180
so I wouldn't trade this for anything

1308
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:02,160
like if somebody said oh let me help you

1309
00:59:07,490 --> 00:59:03,720
get rid of that Scar and be like no

1310
00:59:10,250 --> 00:59:07,500
that's mine I lived through that

1311
00:59:12,410 --> 00:59:10,260
can you believe it I mean it's like it's

1312
00:59:14,930 --> 00:59:12,420
kind of like a badge of honor in some

1313
00:59:18,770 --> 00:59:14,940
strange way I mean I I don't I'm not

1314
00:59:21,230 --> 00:59:18,780
proud of anybody that I've ever hurt in

1315
00:59:24,170 --> 00:59:21,240
the past I'm not proud of any of those

1316
00:59:26,210 --> 00:59:24,180
things but I'm I'm kind of grateful that

1317
00:59:27,890 --> 00:59:26,220
when I die when and I do look back on

1318
00:59:31,609 --> 00:59:27,900
this life I'm not gonna

1319
00:59:31,619 --> 00:59:35,089
definitely

1320
00:59:40,430 --> 00:59:37,670
I um it's interesting that you bring

1321
00:59:44,809 --> 00:59:40,440
that up because when we talk The Mask

1322
00:59:47,630 --> 00:59:44,819
right the mask the mask the mask and

1323
00:59:51,530 --> 00:59:47,640
um going through my life all the way up

1324
00:59:53,210 --> 00:59:51,540
until uh probably uh 12 years ago maybe

1325
00:59:56,089 --> 00:59:53,220
a little longer

1326
01:00:01,370 --> 00:59:56,099
um as I started my broadcast career

1327
01:00:06,349 --> 01:00:01,380
um I I I divorced my parents when I was

1328
01:00:08,630 --> 01:00:06,359
uh 15 years old and and I went through a

1329
01:00:10,250 --> 01:00:08,640
very it was traumatic you know and I

1330
01:00:12,530 --> 01:00:10,260
think about looking back I don't know

1331
01:00:15,470 --> 01:00:12,540
how the heck I came out of that uh you

1332
01:00:16,789 --> 01:00:15,480
know and anywhere near sane at that age

1333
01:00:21,010 --> 01:00:16,799
but I

1334
01:00:26,210 --> 01:00:21,020
my real mom

1335
01:00:29,030 --> 01:00:26,220
uh for uh ever again

1336
01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:29,040
she died I never saw her again now we

1337
01:00:35,630 --> 01:00:32,339
talked on the phone okay we reconnected

1338
01:00:38,569 --> 01:00:35,640
as an adult uh after all of this but

1339
01:00:41,809 --> 01:00:38,579
here's the thing with that and my

1340
01:00:43,670 --> 01:00:41,819
adopted parents uh John and Sharon um

1341
01:00:46,069 --> 01:00:43,680
and stuff you know I love them to death

1342
01:00:48,910 --> 01:00:46,079
you know but you know it's just part of

1343
01:00:53,750 --> 01:00:48,920
life's journey but anyway

1344
01:00:56,150 --> 01:00:53,760
my entire life until my mom's death I

1345
01:01:00,170 --> 01:00:56,160
had dreams

1346
01:01:01,789 --> 01:01:00,180
a lot of me trying to find her I'm going

1347
01:01:03,650 --> 01:01:01,799
to get a lump in my throat these crazy

1348
01:01:05,270 --> 01:01:03,660
dreams man I'm going across the country

1349
01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:05,280
going around the world trying to find

1350
01:01:08,930 --> 01:01:06,839
her trying to find my mom trying to find

1351
01:01:11,569 --> 01:01:08,940
my mom and almost catching up to her

1352
01:01:14,990 --> 01:01:11,579
never it never resolved

1353
01:01:17,569 --> 01:01:15,000
but here trip on this my mom and I

1354
01:01:19,190 --> 01:01:17,579
leading up uh to her death which was

1355
01:01:23,329 --> 01:01:19,200
about five years ago

1356
01:01:24,530 --> 01:01:23,339
uh the last uh five years before that we

1357
01:01:26,450 --> 01:01:24,540
were talking on the phone all the time

1358
01:01:27,950 --> 01:01:26,460
getting caught up and but I never got a

1359
01:01:32,109 --> 01:01:27,960
chance to see her

1360
01:01:36,950 --> 01:01:32,119
but the dreams stopped

1361
01:01:39,530 --> 01:01:36,960
right crazy and after yeah yeah after

1362
01:01:42,289 --> 01:01:39,540
her death I have not had those crazy

1363
01:01:45,049 --> 01:01:42,299
almost nightmarish right kind of sad

1364
01:01:47,630 --> 01:01:45,059
Melancholy dreams of some kid trying to

1365
01:01:49,970 --> 01:01:47,640
find his mom that he hasn't said I never

1366
01:01:50,930 --> 01:01:49,980
I never saw her again the last time I

1367
01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:50,940
saw her

1368
01:01:56,690 --> 01:01:52,319
uh

1369
01:01:58,390 --> 01:01:56,700
was 12 13 years old right I'm 60. I

1370
01:02:01,270 --> 01:01:58,400
never saw her again

1371
01:02:05,510 --> 01:02:01,280
wow yeah yeah

1372
01:02:09,410 --> 01:02:05,520
but that's the mask right you don't talk

1373
01:02:12,170 --> 01:02:09,420
about it you put it yeah you put it on a

1374
01:02:14,690 --> 01:02:12,180
shelf and yeah you leave it there you

1375
01:02:17,329 --> 01:02:14,700
leave the pain there and you don't want

1376
01:02:19,130 --> 01:02:17,339
people you know it's the mask you don't

1377
01:02:22,609 --> 01:02:19,140
want people to know about this this pain

1378
01:02:25,190 --> 01:02:22,619
right yeah but at a certain point like

1379
01:02:27,289 --> 01:02:25,200
you're at right now it's it's time like

1380
01:02:30,170 --> 01:02:27,299
you you're strong enough you're you've

1381
01:02:33,049 --> 01:02:30,180
got a base that's solid enough in your

1382
01:02:35,990 --> 01:02:33,059
life where you're okay right so now is

1383
01:02:38,390 --> 01:02:36,000
the time to go back and and rescue that

1384
01:02:41,390 --> 01:02:38,400
little boy that that must have been so

1385
01:02:44,089 --> 01:02:41,400
sad and so hurt and so scared and it

1386
01:02:46,549 --> 01:02:44,099
makes you I mean you were you know I've

1387
01:02:49,609 --> 01:02:46,559
always since the moment we met I've been

1388
01:02:51,770 --> 01:02:49,619
like instant friends instant brother but

1389
01:02:54,289 --> 01:02:51,780
I feel like you're all of a sudden like

1390
01:02:57,289 --> 01:02:54,299
10 times deeper in my heart at this

1391
01:03:00,349 --> 01:02:57,299
moment from telling me this this one

1392
01:03:04,490 --> 01:03:00,359
story I'm mean it's like oh my God now

1393
01:03:07,549 --> 01:03:04,500
you're you're totally my brother 100 now

1394
01:03:10,549 --> 01:03:07,559
now so with that

1395
01:03:13,190 --> 01:03:10,559
do the time machine right the Romantic

1396
01:03:14,990 --> 01:03:13,200
time machine do I go back and change

1397
01:03:18,109 --> 01:03:15,000
that

1398
01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:18,119
no well no you don't you can't you can't

1399
01:03:23,569 --> 01:03:19,980
you can't it's part of life's journey

1400
01:03:26,150 --> 01:03:23,579
it's who I am now and you know I've

1401
01:03:29,030 --> 01:03:26,160
raised two beautiful girls and and and

1402
01:03:31,309 --> 01:03:29,040
and and my friends I think no you don't

1403
01:03:34,010 --> 01:03:31,319
but that's how you turn tragic into

1404
01:03:37,010 --> 01:03:34,020
magic right you you've learned from it

1405
01:03:39,170 --> 01:03:37,020
it's painful man but you do that you do

1406
01:03:41,030 --> 01:03:39,180
the Ogle right the the paint the part

1407
01:03:42,829 --> 01:03:41,040
that's painful you don't want to deny

1408
01:03:44,690 --> 01:03:42,839
because that would be that would be a

1409
01:03:46,789 --> 01:03:44,700
tragedy that would be a double tragedy

1410
01:03:49,789 --> 01:03:46,799
to have not just gone through that but

1411
01:03:51,770 --> 01:03:49,799
to deny it forever so it's good to

1412
01:03:55,190 --> 01:03:51,780
acknowledge that was painful that was

1413
01:03:56,809 --> 01:03:55,200
really hard but what's good is that you

1414
01:03:58,670 --> 01:03:56,819
did get to talk on the phone with her

1415
01:04:00,890 --> 01:03:58,680
and that you do have these two beautiful

1416
01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:00,900
girls and and that you came through that

1417
01:04:05,270 --> 01:04:03,240
like you said you were 15 years old when

1418
01:04:07,730 --> 01:04:05,280
you divorced your parents like that's

1419
01:04:11,089 --> 01:04:07,740
how did you like

1420
01:04:13,309 --> 01:04:11,099
how did you there wasn't an owner's

1421
01:04:14,930 --> 01:04:13,319
manual there was nobody telling you how

1422
01:04:18,470 --> 01:04:14,940
you were going to survive the how the

1423
01:04:20,990 --> 01:04:18,480
it's it's by 10 000 acts of Grace and

1424
01:04:24,109 --> 01:04:21,000
miracles that you're here today so

1425
01:04:26,390 --> 01:04:24,119
there's a lot of good in that and I

1426
01:04:28,190 --> 01:04:26,400
would say from a dream perspective I

1427
01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:28,200
think it's true we don't want to go back

1428
01:04:32,990 --> 01:04:31,260
and change anything truly but this is

1429
01:04:36,230 --> 01:04:33,000
where the dream part gets a little bit

1430
01:04:38,510 --> 01:04:36,240
trippy is when when it's a dream and you

1431
01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:38,520
had these dreams about chasing your mom

1432
01:04:45,410 --> 01:04:43,140
to me a a dream that leaves us feeling

1433
01:04:47,809 --> 01:04:45,420
unwell or unbalanced means that the

1434
01:04:50,809 --> 01:04:47,819
dream's unfinished and on the level of

1435
01:04:53,390 --> 01:04:50,819
the dream with our with our I like to

1436
01:04:55,309 --> 01:04:53,400
call it our iMagic Nation we can imagine

1437
01:04:58,010 --> 01:04:55,319
that we get to finish the dream the way

1438
01:05:01,069 --> 01:04:58,020
we wished it would have gone like going

1439
01:05:02,809 --> 01:05:01,079
back and saying hey Mom I'm I'm not

1440
01:05:06,049 --> 01:05:02,819
chasing after you anymore you come to me

1441
01:05:08,450 --> 01:05:06,059
and let's let's find each other let's

1442
01:05:10,430 --> 01:05:08,460
say the things that we wanted to say and

1443
01:05:13,970 --> 01:05:10,440
and there's something because on a

1444
01:05:17,390 --> 01:05:13,980
parallel plane this preferred reality

1445
01:05:19,069 --> 01:05:17,400
does exist because this reality yes we

1446
01:05:21,650 --> 01:05:19,079
wouldn't want to change anything on this

1447
01:05:24,109 --> 01:05:21,660
level of reality but there are parallel

1448
01:05:25,670 --> 01:05:24,119
planes there are multiple parallel

1449
01:05:27,650 --> 01:05:25,680
realities and there's one of those

1450
01:05:29,270 --> 01:05:27,660
parallel realities where you're the

1451
01:05:31,190 --> 01:05:29,280
director of the scene

1452
01:05:34,670 --> 01:05:31,200
and you get to say I'm tired of running

1453
01:05:36,410 --> 01:05:34,680
mom you run toward me now

1454
01:05:38,049 --> 01:05:36,420
and then you get to direct how that

1455
01:05:41,770 --> 01:05:38,059
scene would go

1456
01:05:46,849 --> 01:05:41,780
see I think that happened though yes

1457
01:05:49,190 --> 01:05:46,859
on the phone that is such a a great uh

1458
01:05:52,190 --> 01:05:49,200
the uh perception of the situation

1459
01:05:53,109 --> 01:05:52,200
because that in that's exactly what

1460
01:05:58,130 --> 01:05:53,119
happened

1461
01:06:01,970 --> 01:05:58,140
and uh I needed I think all of us I am

1462
01:06:05,329 --> 01:06:01,980
not unique right we all we all had

1463
01:06:08,870 --> 01:06:05,339
messed up childhoods it's just the way

1464
01:06:11,470 --> 01:06:08,880
that it is but uh I I think that uh

1465
01:06:15,710 --> 01:06:11,480
children and I look back at myself

1466
01:06:18,890 --> 01:06:15,720
we have a way of mentally dealing and

1467
01:06:22,670 --> 01:06:18,900
coping with stuff differently as a child

1468
01:06:25,490 --> 01:06:22,680
as we do uh than we do as adults we have

1469
01:06:28,130 --> 01:06:25,500
different ways of dealing with it and we

1470
01:06:31,490 --> 01:06:28,140
have a healing shielding way right

1471
01:06:33,890 --> 01:06:31,500
that's that's protective it's in our DNA

1472
01:06:36,170 --> 01:06:33,900
um looking back at it now at that age

1473
01:06:39,529 --> 01:06:36,180
there's no way I should have come out of

1474
01:06:43,370 --> 01:06:39,539
that saying no way okay but I'd you know

1475
01:06:46,549 --> 01:06:43,380
what you deal with it and uh yeah yeah

1476
01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:46,559
yeah wow well thank you so much for

1477
01:06:51,950 --> 01:06:49,140
revealing that Jimmy and this is this is

1478
01:06:54,170 --> 01:06:51,960
the thing it's like you to Me Maybe not

1479
01:06:56,930 --> 01:06:54,180
maybe not to everybody but I can't

1480
01:06:59,029 --> 01:06:56,940
imagine there's not anybody who loved

1481
01:07:01,789 --> 01:06:59,039
you before hearing that story who

1482
01:07:05,210 --> 01:07:01,799
doesn't love you more if anybody would

1483
01:07:06,710 --> 01:07:05,220
reject US based on these deeper truths

1484
01:07:09,589 --> 01:07:06,720
then they're not really our people it's

1485
01:07:12,829 --> 01:07:09,599
like that Dr Seuss saying those who mind

1486
01:07:13,730 --> 01:07:12,839
don't matter and those who matter don't

1487
01:07:16,370 --> 01:07:13,740
mind

1488
01:07:19,450 --> 01:07:16,380
and life is short so wouldn't we rather

1489
01:07:23,029 --> 01:07:19,460
just have the people who deeply know us

1490
01:07:25,309 --> 01:07:23,039
wouldn't we rather tend to them than the

1491
01:07:26,390 --> 01:07:25,319
people that would reject us if they knew

1492
01:07:28,370 --> 01:07:26,400
the truth

1493
01:07:31,069 --> 01:07:28,380
it's so it just feels like it's a

1494
01:07:32,089 --> 01:07:31,079
sorting process as well to just lay it

1495
01:07:34,490 --> 01:07:32,099
out there

1496
01:07:36,589 --> 01:07:34,500
and you know and anyway I appreciate

1497
01:07:40,430 --> 01:07:36,599
getting getting to know a little bit

1498
01:07:42,890 --> 01:07:40,440
about you well but see that's what

1499
01:07:45,589 --> 01:07:42,900
that's why I really enjoyed uh the way

1500
01:07:48,349 --> 01:07:45,599
that you started um off the book the way

1501
01:07:50,750 --> 01:07:48,359
that you did I told you today I had some

1502
01:07:56,390 --> 01:07:50,760
serious self-reflection you know reading

1503
01:07:57,950 --> 01:07:56,400
the first 30 40 50 60 pages one day well

1504
01:07:59,109 --> 01:07:57,960
you know what I'm getting there I'm like

1505
01:08:03,230 --> 01:07:59,119
man

1506
01:08:07,630 --> 01:08:03,240
she's writing about me dang how did you

1507
01:08:10,849 --> 01:08:07,640
know this stuff but um but but in that

1508
01:08:13,130 --> 01:08:10,859
when uh people look at the mask and they

1509
01:08:15,729 --> 01:08:13,140
look at the representative

1510
01:08:20,390 --> 01:08:15,739
um they don't understand

1511
01:08:23,030 --> 01:08:20,400
how you got to be who you are and it is

1512
01:08:25,789 --> 01:08:23,040
it empathy is it compassion is it well

1513
01:08:28,010 --> 01:08:25,799
you know it's also smart right it's also

1514
01:08:30,950 --> 01:08:28,020
intelligence and it's and it's the way

1515
01:08:34,010 --> 01:08:30,960
that you can turn around and and help

1516
01:08:35,930 --> 01:08:34,020
others too and understand them because

1517
01:08:39,530 --> 01:08:35,940
of the growth and how you got to where

1518
01:08:42,169 --> 01:08:39,540
you are I am the same way I'm the exact

1519
01:08:44,150 --> 01:08:42,179
same way so when I say and I want

1520
01:08:45,189 --> 01:08:44,160
everybody to listen to these words very

1521
01:08:50,809 --> 01:08:45,199
carefully

1522
01:08:52,570 --> 01:08:50,819
when I say things to people which is you

1523
01:08:56,450 --> 01:08:52,580
can overcome

1524
01:08:59,689 --> 01:08:56,460
the gas and get your [\h__\h] done whatever

1525
01:09:02,510 --> 01:08:59,699
it is in your mind that you want to go

1526
01:09:06,349 --> 01:09:02,520
and do go and do it

1527
01:09:08,030 --> 01:09:06,359
I had my dreams and I chose to go and

1528
01:09:11,090 --> 01:09:08,040
get that stuff done

1529
01:09:13,669 --> 01:09:11,100
I've been through stuff

1530
01:09:16,970 --> 01:09:13,679
I went and got it so when I say the it

1531
01:09:20,689 --> 01:09:16,980
it I'm not messing around man

1532
01:09:25,130 --> 01:09:20,699
right I went through my stuff so did you

1533
01:09:26,990 --> 01:09:25,140
and so was everybody else so yeah and

1534
01:09:28,669 --> 01:09:27,000
this is this is what I think is is

1535
01:09:31,849 --> 01:09:28,679
important and this is what I'm learning

1536
01:09:34,610 --> 01:09:31,859
as we speak that those words that you

1537
01:09:38,209 --> 01:09:34,620
just said those are so important but

1538
01:09:40,849 --> 01:09:38,219
they have extra potency knowing what

1539
01:09:43,849 --> 01:09:40,859
you've come through that led you to that

1540
01:09:45,650 --> 01:09:43,859
and from from my perspective I my ego

1541
01:09:48,590 --> 01:09:45,660
would have been just fine writing

1542
01:09:50,689 --> 01:09:48,600
another self-help book about dreams and

1543
01:09:54,289 --> 01:09:50,699
just simply using like talking about

1544
01:09:57,050 --> 01:09:54,299
kind of the platitudes and the slogans

1545
01:09:59,030 --> 01:09:57,060
and the you know if a door closes a

1546
01:10:01,850 --> 01:09:59,040
window opens and you know and like

1547
01:10:04,970 --> 01:10:01,860
that's great but unless you unless you

1548
01:10:08,090 --> 01:10:04,980
know like I was abandoned on a train

1549
01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:08,100
station gonna overnight with no like I

1550
01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:11,760
was gonna like and I know for sure that

1551
01:10:16,910 --> 01:10:15,179
when we get abandoned something else

1552
01:10:19,130 --> 01:10:16,920
will come along even if it seems like

1553
01:10:21,110 --> 01:10:19,140
the worst thing like there's there's

1554
01:10:23,870 --> 01:10:21,120
always something so this is why this is

1555
01:10:26,030 --> 01:10:23,880
partly like I know in my heart of hearts

1556
01:10:28,010 --> 01:10:26,040
I didn't want to just write another book

1557
01:10:30,229 --> 01:10:28,020
I've written 10 books for God's sakes I

1558
01:10:31,850 --> 01:10:30,239
can't just write another damn book even

1559
01:10:34,370 --> 01:10:31,860
though I love all the books I've written

1560
01:10:35,689 --> 01:10:34,380
I'm grateful for them all I want I

1561
01:10:38,870 --> 01:10:35,699
wanted to write a book that would

1562
01:10:41,390 --> 01:10:38,880
actually move people deeply and get them

1563
01:10:43,669 --> 01:10:41,400
to think about about themselves and have

1564
01:10:46,010 --> 01:10:43,679
it be truly transformational and I

1565
01:10:47,930 --> 01:10:46,020
realized in order to do that I kind of

1566
01:10:50,630 --> 01:10:47,940
have to tell the back story

1567
01:10:52,729 --> 01:10:50,640
but not just that little tip of the

1568
01:10:55,490 --> 01:10:52,739
iceberg about like here's the platitude

1569
01:10:57,890 --> 01:10:55,500
but like reveal the whole Iceberg under

1570
01:11:00,350 --> 01:10:57,900
the ocean like oh there's a whole world

1571
01:11:01,310 --> 01:11:00,360
under there that led to that that Peak

1572
01:11:05,990 --> 01:11:01,320
moment

1573
01:11:09,649 --> 01:11:06,000
wisdom that you have didn't just show up

1574
01:11:11,450 --> 01:11:09,659
in a vacuum one day it came from all the

1575
01:11:13,910 --> 01:11:11,460
things that you went through and I think

1576
01:11:16,070 --> 01:11:13,920
just kind of on a dream perspective

1577
01:11:19,010 --> 01:11:16,080
one of the most commonly remembered

1578
01:11:22,490 --> 01:11:19,020
dreams is is dreams about being naked in

1579
01:11:24,350 --> 01:11:22,500
public and or being like wearing the

1580
01:11:26,450 --> 01:11:24,360
wrong thing and ah it being so shameful

1581
01:11:29,510 --> 01:11:26,460
and I and I've always said I believe

1582
01:11:32,209 --> 01:11:29,520
those dreams are they're kind of moving

1583
01:11:35,450 --> 01:11:32,219
us toward a future with our like human

1584
01:11:37,790 --> 01:11:35,460
evolution where we don't have any shame

1585
01:11:40,610 --> 01:11:37,800
in our game where there is nothing to

1586
01:11:45,590 --> 01:11:40,620
hide so if we were to be revealed we'd

1587
01:11:48,610 --> 01:11:45,600
be like cool hey check me out oh yeah I

1588
01:11:53,330 --> 01:11:48,620
forgot my clothes today oops

1589
01:11:56,270 --> 01:11:53,340
you see and there is a reason

1590
01:11:58,850 --> 01:11:56,280
um there's a reason why you glow

1591
01:12:00,229 --> 01:11:58,860
and and I mentioned it every time you're

1592
01:12:02,090 --> 01:12:00,239
on the show and every time that I'm

1593
01:12:04,669 --> 01:12:02,100
around you I say the same thing you know

1594
01:12:09,229 --> 01:12:04,679
you glow but you do but there's a reason

1595
01:12:13,610 --> 01:12:09,239
why you glow and and by by putting it

1596
01:12:15,830 --> 01:12:13,620
out I'm so glad that the essay format uh

1597
01:12:18,649 --> 01:12:15,840
which I by the way everybody so when I

1598
01:12:20,090 --> 01:12:18,659
got the book Kelly and I talked last

1599
01:12:21,169 --> 01:12:20,100
week and the books coming out and

1600
01:12:25,689 --> 01:12:21,179
everything

1601
01:12:31,430 --> 01:12:28,310
no I didn't know and I was trying to

1602
01:12:33,590 --> 01:12:31,440
think how how this was going to be done

1603
01:12:35,990 --> 01:12:33,600
and you know what though

1604
01:12:38,810 --> 01:12:36,000
to be honest it could have been a book

1605
01:12:40,010 --> 01:12:38,820
of Dreams turning tragic into magic and

1606
01:12:42,290 --> 01:12:40,020
it could have been dream based

1607
01:12:45,169 --> 01:12:42,300
absolutely you've got you've got I can

1608
01:12:47,870 --> 01:12:45,179
imagine how much how much material you

1609
01:12:49,970 --> 01:12:47,880
have to to compile something oh for sure

1610
01:12:52,189 --> 01:12:49,980
but when I found out that this was a

1611
01:12:54,470 --> 01:12:52,199
book of essays and about life I couldn't

1612
01:12:57,169 --> 01:12:54,480
wait to get into it I I really couldn't

1613
01:12:59,630 --> 01:12:57,179
it was yeah yeah

1614
01:13:01,669 --> 01:12:59,640
um I have to give a nod to dreams for a

1615
01:13:04,430 --> 01:13:01,679
second because in some way I mean we're

1616
01:13:07,010 --> 01:13:04,440
it is all a dream everything in this

1617
01:13:08,630 --> 01:13:07,020
book is a dream in that everything in

1618
01:13:10,250 --> 01:13:08,640
our life is a dream We're Dreaming all

1619
01:13:12,530 --> 01:13:10,260
the time we're a dreaming species

1620
01:13:14,930 --> 01:13:12,540
there's a particular kind of dream that

1621
01:13:18,530 --> 01:13:14,940
happens when we go to sleep at night and

1622
01:13:20,810 --> 01:13:18,540
have those crazy wild images that happen

1623
01:13:22,430 --> 01:13:20,820
and I do write a couple stories in this

1624
01:13:25,010 --> 01:13:22,440
book that are strictly about those

1625
01:13:27,830 --> 01:13:25,020
dreams but everything that I've been

1626
01:13:29,990 --> 01:13:27,840
practicing and learning and teaching

1627
01:13:32,810 --> 01:13:30,000
over the last few decades that relates

1628
01:13:35,810 --> 01:13:32,820
to dream Alchemy and DreamWork

1629
01:13:38,330 --> 01:13:35,820
absolutely applies to the waking reality

1630
01:13:41,030 --> 01:13:38,340
as well so that this waking reality that

1631
01:13:43,550 --> 01:13:41,040
we're in right now at this exact moment

1632
01:13:45,290 --> 01:13:43,560
is also a dream

1633
01:13:48,169 --> 01:13:45,300
this just happens to be a really

1634
01:13:50,810 --> 01:13:48,179
Kick-Ass dream and kind of a lucidish

1635
01:13:53,149 --> 01:13:50,820
dream so on some level we it's all a

1636
01:13:54,590 --> 01:13:53,159
dream and I hear what you're saying too

1637
01:13:57,830 --> 01:13:54,600
that I could have written the book about

1638
01:14:00,229 --> 01:13:57,840
the nighttime kind of dreams but I would

1639
01:14:02,450 --> 01:14:00,239
say that because I did so much work on

1640
01:14:04,790 --> 01:14:02,460
dreams and doing dream Alchemy for so

1641
01:14:07,550 --> 01:14:04,800
many years it kind of equipped me to be

1642
01:14:10,130 --> 01:14:07,560
able to do the therapeutic work to be

1643
01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:10,140
able to write these stories so I'm I'm

1644
01:14:17,149 --> 01:14:14,460
not disavowing dreams at any rate at in

1645
01:14:18,649 --> 01:14:17,159
any way at all it's in fact in some way

1646
01:14:21,290 --> 01:14:18,659
I'm even more passionate about them

1647
01:14:23,990 --> 01:14:21,300
because it's a great tool to be able to

1648
01:14:25,850 --> 01:14:24,000
to know that every character in US is an

1649
01:14:28,370 --> 01:14:25,860
aspect of ourselves and everyone who's

1650
01:14:31,250 --> 01:14:28,380
chasing us in the dream is a part of our

1651
01:14:33,110 --> 01:14:31,260
own shadow selves and we can help that

1652
01:14:35,209 --> 01:14:33,120
process along so that we can get to the

1653
01:14:37,790 --> 01:14:35,219
point of having more astral travel

1654
01:14:39,649 --> 01:14:37,800
dreams where we get to explore other

1655
01:14:42,350 --> 01:14:39,659
dimensions that we're not having to just

1656
01:14:44,090 --> 01:14:42,360
deal with all this the the shadow

1657
01:14:46,189 --> 01:14:44,100
characters that we that we've been

1658
01:14:48,290 --> 01:14:46,199
suppressing wouldn't it be great if we

1659
01:14:50,689 --> 01:14:48,300
got all that work done and then we can

1660
01:14:53,930 --> 01:14:50,699
spend all of our nighttime dream time

1661
01:14:59,570 --> 01:14:53,940
just exploring different dimensions of

1662
01:15:04,070 --> 01:14:59,580
other Realms and be a Persephone

1663
01:15:08,630 --> 01:15:04,080
to be a Persephone yeah yeah exactly

1664
01:15:11,149 --> 01:15:08,640
yeah eat some pomegranate seeds yeah you

1665
01:15:16,130 --> 01:15:11,159
take the pomegranate for granted or

1666
01:15:18,649 --> 01:15:16,140
roofie or two but here but but isn't

1667
01:15:22,310 --> 01:15:18,659
that interesting where

1668
01:15:24,590 --> 01:15:22,320
um if you if you take yourself or all of

1669
01:15:27,050 --> 01:15:24,600
this right now it's you and it's your

1670
01:15:31,430 --> 01:15:27,060
book but I think all of us can relate in

1671
01:15:33,169 --> 01:15:31,440
in this way where you have we all like

1672
01:15:35,510 --> 01:15:33,179
to think about the good times

1673
01:15:38,390 --> 01:15:35,520
right well there's the bad times too

1674
01:15:40,910 --> 01:15:38,400
right and and how you overcome

1675
01:15:44,450 --> 01:15:40,920
um and so all of this in in a weird way

1676
01:15:49,010 --> 01:15:44,460
can can be a Persephone right where that

1677
01:15:52,550 --> 01:15:49,020
if if you stop and think about the bad

1678
01:15:55,430 --> 01:15:52,560
times as crazy as it was well you know

1679
01:15:59,870 --> 01:15:55,440
what the life's journey that Joseph

1680
01:16:02,870 --> 01:15:59,880
Campbell Heroes thing you are uh able to

1681
01:16:04,330 --> 01:16:02,880
with your Consciousness to sit and think

1682
01:16:07,250 --> 01:16:04,340
about that

1683
01:16:11,090 --> 01:16:07,260
that's that's the best part right that

1684
01:16:13,550 --> 01:16:11,100
we are able to to think about it and to

1685
01:16:15,649 --> 01:16:13,560
work forward that's that's the magic of

1686
01:16:19,250 --> 01:16:15,659
everything somebody just wrote this

1687
01:16:20,990 --> 01:16:19,260
comment so I'm going to kind of resolve

1688
01:16:22,669 --> 01:16:21,000
some of this for everybody because I

1689
01:16:26,209 --> 01:16:22,679
left some stuff hanging

1690
01:16:30,350 --> 01:16:26,219
okay uh my real dad so I go through this

1691
01:16:34,490 --> 01:16:30,360
divorce right like this wasn't today

1692
01:16:37,729 --> 01:16:34,500
it's kind of a thing back then in 1980

1693
01:16:41,689 --> 01:16:37,739
how did you do that uh it was It was

1694
01:16:44,149 --> 01:16:41,699
kind of out of my hands but that's a

1695
01:16:47,870 --> 01:16:44,159
that's a whole nother maybe we'll do a

1696
01:16:48,530 --> 01:16:47,880
show on it someday all right but anyway

1697
01:16:52,910 --> 01:16:48,540
um

1698
01:16:55,310 --> 01:16:52,920
the last day that I saw my dad and all

1699
01:16:57,290 --> 01:16:55,320
of this stuff is going down I'm I'm in

1700
01:17:00,770 --> 01:16:57,300
Central America

1701
01:17:03,350 --> 01:17:00,780
he drives me that we were not we we

1702
01:17:07,189 --> 01:17:03,360
hadn't talked lived in the same house we

1703
01:17:10,130 --> 01:17:07,199
hadn't talked in like six months at all

1704
01:17:13,010 --> 01:17:10,140
okay lunch money was left on the counter

1705
01:17:15,649 --> 01:17:13,020
once a week it was kind of like that but

1706
01:17:16,610 --> 01:17:15,659
I did see him didn't talk passing ships

1707
01:17:18,830 --> 01:17:16,620
in the night

1708
01:17:22,790 --> 01:17:18,840
and uh so the last day

1709
01:17:24,770 --> 01:17:22,800
I know I've got my passport uh the

1710
01:17:26,810 --> 01:17:24,780
military the government has given me all

1711
01:17:28,310 --> 01:17:26,820
of my stuff I'm in a foreign country I

1712
01:17:31,310 --> 01:17:28,320
now need to fly back to the United

1713
01:17:35,330 --> 01:17:33,709
the day has arrived

1714
01:17:37,550 --> 01:17:35,340
and

1715
01:17:39,950 --> 01:17:37,560
I packed you know my suitcases are

1716
01:17:42,229 --> 01:17:39,960
packed he's out waiting in in the car

1717
01:17:44,810 --> 01:17:42,239
I'm gonna knock on my door doesn't

1718
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:44,820
bedroom none of that so I'll walk out I

1719
01:17:49,310 --> 01:17:47,040
put my suitcases in the car I get in we

1720
01:17:52,910 --> 01:17:49,320
don't say a word we drive to Howard Air

1721
01:17:54,590 --> 01:17:52,920
Force Base we pull up to the terminal at

1722
01:17:58,669 --> 01:17:54,600
Howard Air Force Base

1723
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:00,050
it's like really

1724
01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:01,620
all right

1725
01:18:08,030 --> 01:18:04,440
I get out of the car I shut the door he

1726
01:18:09,830 --> 01:18:08,040
drove away didn't say goodbye

1727
01:18:12,050 --> 01:18:09,840
yeah

1728
01:18:14,570 --> 01:18:12,060
I don't know how I I don't know how I

1729
01:18:16,910 --> 01:18:14,580
dealt with it I really don't you know

1730
01:18:20,450 --> 01:18:16,920
and so is there anybody that he that he

1731
01:18:24,410 --> 01:18:20,460
you know that he connected you with or

1732
01:18:27,830 --> 01:18:24,420
you just oh this was the the legal side

1733
01:18:31,330 --> 01:18:27,840
of this was intense okay so that's

1734
01:18:35,270 --> 01:18:31,340
that's too much too much of a story but

1735
01:18:37,430 --> 01:18:35,280
yeah I fly to Indianapolis

1736
01:18:41,709 --> 01:18:37,440
fly to Indianapolis I get picked up at

1737
01:18:46,729 --> 01:18:41,719
the airport uh by my future

1738
01:18:49,729 --> 01:18:46,739
adopted mom uh Sharon and uh we drive

1739
01:18:51,070 --> 01:18:49,739
straight to downtown uh Indianapolis to

1740
01:18:55,070 --> 01:18:51,080
the Supreme Court

1741
01:18:57,169 --> 01:18:55,080
uh and we go into judges Chambers where

1742
01:19:00,890 --> 01:18:57,179
there are a couple of attorneys

1743
01:19:04,310 --> 01:19:00,900
and my future Mom and Dad John and

1744
01:19:06,110 --> 01:19:04,320
Sharon and uh we sit down I'm with a

1745
01:19:09,530 --> 01:19:06,120
superior court judge

1746
01:19:12,590 --> 01:19:09,540
I'm 15 years old you know and there's a

1747
01:19:14,090 --> 01:19:12,600
stack of documents this thick

1748
01:19:14,870 --> 01:19:14,100
and they're there and I've got to sign

1749
01:19:17,090 --> 01:19:14,880
them

1750
01:19:21,229 --> 01:19:17,100
and the judge asked me a bunch of

1751
01:19:23,750 --> 01:19:21,239
questions and uh and things like do you

1752
01:19:25,550 --> 01:19:23,760
want to change your name

1753
01:19:29,709 --> 01:19:25,560
I was like oh

1754
01:19:33,130 --> 01:19:29,719
[\h__\h] didn't even think about that

1755
01:19:36,290 --> 01:19:33,140
and I look at Jonathan I was like yeah

1756
01:19:38,630 --> 01:19:36,300
so anyway obviously I didn't I stayed

1757
01:19:40,189 --> 01:19:38,640
with church their last name was crier so

1758
01:19:42,229 --> 01:19:40,199
anyway I flipped through and I've got to

1759
01:19:45,370 --> 01:19:42,239
sign all these pages and I get to the

1760
01:19:48,910 --> 01:19:45,380
pages and with my mom and dad's

1761
01:19:51,470 --> 01:19:48,920
signature on them

1762
01:19:53,570 --> 01:19:51,480
it all just kind of hit me all the stuff

1763
01:19:55,669 --> 01:19:53,580
was going on behind the scenes my mom

1764
01:19:59,870 --> 01:19:55,679
had to sign off on this stuff

1765
01:20:03,229 --> 01:19:59,880
who I had my dad this that the Cry of

1766
01:20:04,850 --> 01:20:03,239
the judges things it was I'm not when I

1767
01:20:06,310 --> 01:20:04,860
say it was that thick it was that thick

1768
01:20:09,950 --> 01:20:06,320
and then

1769
01:20:13,189 --> 01:20:09,960
I'd start signing right along my parents

1770
01:20:15,229 --> 01:20:13,199
signatures yeah it was heavy man so we

1771
01:20:20,510 --> 01:20:15,239
signed that was it I signed the last

1772
01:20:22,550 --> 01:20:20,520
page the judge the judge I'm 15 I'm 15.

1773
01:20:23,990 --> 01:20:22,560
think about this for a second the judge

1774
01:20:26,570 --> 01:20:24,000
goes okay

1775
01:20:32,750 --> 01:20:26,580
you sign this last page

1776
01:20:36,649 --> 01:20:34,130
yeah

1777
01:20:40,310 --> 01:20:36,659
yep

1778
01:20:42,890 --> 01:20:40,320
yeah crazy huh crazy crazy crazy wow now

1779
01:20:45,010 --> 01:20:42,900
I mean that's just out in the public for

1780
01:20:48,290 --> 01:20:45,020
the first time right now

1781
01:20:50,270 --> 01:20:48,300
Jimmy Jimmy yeah yeah you know and so

1782
01:20:51,050 --> 01:20:50,280
but see here's the thing when I change

1783
01:21:00,229 --> 01:20:51,060
it

1784
01:21:01,430 --> 01:21:00,239
here talking to you why would I change

1785
01:21:05,209 --> 01:21:01,440
that

1786
01:21:08,390 --> 01:21:05,219
meet

1787
01:21:11,630 --> 01:21:08,400
yeah right my daughters are porn

1788
01:21:14,570 --> 01:21:11,640
right no no no no no you don't change

1789
01:21:17,630 --> 01:21:14,580
anything you don't change and I when I

1790
01:21:20,510 --> 01:21:17,640
bet you became an awesome dad as a

1791
01:21:22,610 --> 01:21:20,520
result of not you know what having that

1792
01:21:26,090 --> 01:21:22,620
what yes

1793
01:21:29,870 --> 01:21:26,100
the one thing I uh eventually you know

1794
01:21:33,770 --> 01:21:29,880
years go by decades go by and its email

1795
01:21:36,669 --> 01:21:33,780
is invented right okay so I'll get this

1796
01:21:40,790 --> 01:21:36,679
email for my dad out of the blue

1797
01:21:45,169 --> 01:21:40,800
1999 or something 98 and I'm reading

1798
01:21:47,510 --> 01:21:45,179
this email I'm sorry you know I've been

1799
01:21:49,430 --> 01:21:47,520
I'm contemplating my life now I'm

1800
01:21:51,950 --> 01:21:49,440
thinking about things and you know I

1801
01:21:53,570 --> 01:21:51,960
wasn't that the best dad and I apologize

1802
01:21:56,270 --> 01:21:53,580
I wrote him back

1803
01:21:58,490 --> 01:21:56,280
like two sentences and I said you know

1804
01:22:02,149 --> 01:21:58,500
what I'm glad I'm happy for you that

1805
01:22:04,310 --> 01:22:02,159
you're going through these life things

1806
01:22:06,590 --> 01:22:04,320
right but

1807
01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:06,600
if there's one good thing that came out

1808
01:22:10,669 --> 01:22:08,100
of all

1809
01:22:12,410 --> 01:22:10,679
I've got a lump in my throat if there's

1810
01:22:16,130 --> 01:22:12,420
one thing that came out of all of this

1811
01:22:19,729 --> 01:22:16,140
it made me a kick-ass dad

1812
01:22:22,930 --> 01:22:19,739
I learned what not to do and that's what

1813
01:22:28,490 --> 01:22:22,940
I wrote them and that meant send

1814
01:22:32,750 --> 01:22:28,500
and that's what you got back yeah oh

1815
01:22:34,550 --> 01:22:32,760
yeah wow wow God there's it just makes

1816
01:22:36,890 --> 01:22:34,560
me I mean I feel like I'm I'm in the

1817
01:22:39,050 --> 01:22:36,900
middle of a really incredible movie and

1818
01:22:42,350 --> 01:22:39,060
I want to know it's like one of those

1819
01:22:44,350 --> 01:22:42,360
movies that starts at the airport at the

1820
01:22:47,209 --> 01:22:44,360
at the Air Force

1821
01:22:49,550 --> 01:22:47,219
and then we go back and forward to know

1822
01:22:51,110 --> 01:22:49,560
what was going on with him I mean I I

1823
01:22:52,790 --> 01:22:51,120
imagine I think some of the people at

1824
01:22:54,950 --> 01:22:52,800
least this is part of what I'm

1825
01:22:57,950 --> 01:22:54,960
uncovering these days with people that

1826
01:23:00,410 --> 01:22:57,960
act so horribly is a lot of these people

1827
01:23:01,790 --> 01:23:00,420
are there's something they've they've

1828
01:23:04,189 --> 01:23:01,800
had their trauma or they've had

1829
01:23:06,709 --> 01:23:04,199
something their their brain is broken

1830
01:23:08,169 --> 01:23:06,719
like there's something that has them

1831
01:23:11,750 --> 01:23:08,179
it's not like

1832
01:23:13,790 --> 01:23:11,760
they're they're normal people that are

1833
01:23:16,070 --> 01:23:13,800
well adjusted and balanced that are that

1834
01:23:18,410 --> 01:23:16,080
are doing these shitty things there

1835
01:23:21,110 --> 01:23:18,420
there's something there's something

1836
01:23:23,689 --> 01:23:21,120
fundamentally broken and wrong that

1837
01:23:26,630 --> 01:23:23,699
would cause somebody to do that so we

1838
01:23:29,330 --> 01:23:26,640
often we often make it mean that it was

1839
01:23:33,350 --> 01:23:29,340
something about us that that caused them

1840
01:23:37,310 --> 01:23:33,360
to abandon or to abuse but it often is

1841
01:23:39,350 --> 01:23:37,320
not about us at all in fact that might

1842
01:23:41,390 --> 01:23:39,360
have I mean it doesn't mean that there's

1843
01:23:44,930 --> 01:23:41,400
not room for you to be pissed off and

1844
01:23:47,810 --> 01:23:44,940
angry for a long long time but I wonder

1845
01:23:50,390 --> 01:23:47,820
if there wasn't some great amount of

1846
01:23:51,530 --> 01:23:50,400
love as much love as this man could

1847
01:23:56,149 --> 01:23:51,540
muster

1848
01:23:58,729 --> 01:23:56,159
give you to a family that could love you

1849
01:24:01,130 --> 01:23:58,739
better than they could yeah no I know

1850
01:24:04,189 --> 01:24:01,140
and that's uh talk about a Greek tragedy

1851
01:24:06,229 --> 01:24:04,199
right and so and I've I've thought about

1852
01:24:09,290 --> 01:24:06,239
all of that stuff

1853
01:24:12,890 --> 01:24:09,300
um and here's the thing I I am not a

1854
01:24:16,850 --> 01:24:12,900
saint far from it you know what your

1855
01:24:22,310 --> 01:24:20,689
um uh and and we're all imperfect you

1856
01:24:24,229 --> 01:24:22,320
know and every day you just kind of got

1857
01:24:26,930 --> 01:24:24,239
to look at yourself and and try to

1858
01:24:28,189 --> 01:24:26,940
tighten a screw down and try to improve

1859
01:24:29,510 --> 01:24:28,199
things

1860
01:24:32,030 --> 01:24:29,520
um because I've done some messed up

1861
01:24:36,410 --> 01:24:32,040
things you know we all have right and

1862
01:24:39,290 --> 01:24:36,420
and you know I uh all I can do is is

1863
01:24:42,590 --> 01:24:39,300
just try to to live the next day just a

1864
01:24:47,090 --> 01:24:42,600
little bit better and and and and that's

1865
01:24:49,790 --> 01:24:47,100
it you know so again which is why before

1866
01:24:50,930 --> 01:24:49,800
I get too sidetracked the show isn't

1867
01:24:56,990 --> 01:24:50,940
about me

1868
01:24:59,149 --> 01:24:57,000
and so when I'm reading through that

1869
01:25:01,669 --> 01:24:59,159
that's the best compliment I could ever

1870
01:25:04,510 --> 01:25:01,679
get well I told you that earlier and I'm

1871
01:25:09,410 --> 01:25:04,520
not I'm not playing about this that that

1872
01:25:11,810 --> 01:25:09,420
nitty-gritty uh shitty list uh chapter I

1873
01:25:13,970 --> 01:25:11,820
think all of us everybody just get the

1874
01:25:16,070 --> 01:25:13,980
book and and read through this and then

1875
01:25:18,530 --> 01:25:16,080
write out your own Nitty Gritty shitty

1876
01:25:21,050 --> 01:25:18,540
list because you're gonna have one don't

1877
01:25:23,090 --> 01:25:21,060
lie to yourself don't lie no there's

1878
01:25:25,370 --> 01:25:23,100
then there's the corresponding list that

1879
01:25:27,950 --> 01:25:25,380
comes afterwards that's list of all the

1880
01:25:30,229 --> 01:25:27,960
coolest stuff that you've done and that

1881
01:25:32,930 --> 01:25:30,239
you've experienced and you look at how

1882
01:25:35,689 --> 01:25:32,940
you can draw the line between those

1883
01:25:38,510 --> 01:25:35,699
nitty-gritty shitty things and the the

1884
01:25:40,550 --> 01:25:38,520
prettiest the pretty pretty things it's

1885
01:25:42,610 --> 01:25:40,560
like there's a there's a list there's a

1886
01:25:44,990 --> 01:25:42,620
there's a lot of money

1887
01:25:47,870 --> 01:25:45,000
can I embarrass you just a little bit

1888
01:25:51,290 --> 01:25:47,880
can I can I'm gonna watch you block you

1889
01:25:53,209 --> 01:25:51,300
because here's the thing right so I've

1890
01:25:56,629 --> 01:25:53,219
just laid some stuff out you know about

1891
01:25:58,910 --> 01:25:56,639
me and so did you but then you you

1892
01:26:00,350 --> 01:25:58,920
follow that up with I'm gonna do this I

1893
01:26:02,629 --> 01:26:00,360
don't want you to do this I'm going to

1894
01:26:04,970 --> 01:26:02,639
do this for you you go

1895
01:26:06,950 --> 01:26:04,980
um you know I've come to a point where I

1896
01:26:11,629 --> 01:26:06,960
see now my proudest accomplishments

1897
01:26:14,990 --> 01:26:11,639
right and they exist not despite but

1898
01:26:18,290 --> 01:26:15,000
because of my heart breaks

1899
01:26:21,110 --> 01:26:18,300
right and and so you know you wrote 11

1900
01:26:24,890 --> 01:26:21,120
Books five Oracle decks in two journals

1901
01:26:27,610 --> 01:26:24,900
you got a a doctorate a degree you've

1902
01:26:31,430 --> 01:26:27,620
got uh you spoke at the United Nations

1903
01:26:34,850 --> 01:26:31,440
right uh you you started a non-profit

1904
01:26:37,510 --> 01:26:34,860
organization and and for for kids also

1905
01:26:41,270 --> 01:26:37,520
with the support of the United Nations

1906
01:26:44,990 --> 01:26:41,280
of course it's it's TV shows and radio

1907
01:26:47,450 --> 01:26:45,000
and magazines and and all of that good

1908
01:26:50,570 --> 01:26:47,460
stuff that comes from that you've been

1909
01:26:52,370 --> 01:26:50,580
able to see the world right

1910
01:26:58,990 --> 01:26:52,380
um you get to hang out with people like

1911
01:27:04,669 --> 01:27:02,090
uh be married to a wonderful man for the

1912
01:27:07,490 --> 01:27:04,679
last 20 years right

1913
01:27:10,310 --> 01:27:07,500
um uh deep relationships and that's that

1914
01:27:11,030 --> 01:27:10,320
you know that's another part of this

1915
01:27:14,270 --> 01:27:11,040
um

1916
01:27:17,629 --> 01:27:14,280
uh that once you go through the stuff

1917
01:27:19,750 --> 01:27:17,639
and you recognize that you are able to

1918
01:27:23,629 --> 01:27:19,760
have deeper more meaningful

1919
01:27:25,430 --> 01:27:23,639
relationships with not only your family

1920
01:27:30,229 --> 01:27:25,440
but

1921
01:27:38,750 --> 01:27:35,090
yeah I mean a fundamentally I think we

1922
01:27:41,810 --> 01:27:38,760
we want to feel close to people I mean

1923
01:27:45,709 --> 01:27:41,820
there's something very simple about the

1924
01:27:47,390 --> 01:27:45,719
notion of what causes suffering is the

1925
01:27:50,030 --> 01:27:47,400
sense of separation

1926
01:27:53,149 --> 01:27:50,040
and what causes

1927
01:27:56,270 --> 01:27:53,159
Joy is feeling feeling close and

1928
01:27:59,090 --> 01:27:56,280
connected and it's impossible to feel

1929
01:28:01,490 --> 01:27:59,100
close and connected if we don't put some

1930
01:28:03,890 --> 01:28:01,500
skin in the game if we don't reveal

1931
01:28:06,229 --> 01:28:03,900
ourselves and expect everybody to mind

1932
01:28:09,590 --> 01:28:06,239
read I was just talking to somebody

1933
01:28:12,110 --> 01:28:09,600
today about a memory of I'm not proud of

1934
01:28:14,689 --> 01:28:12,120
this moment I was I was in my early 20s

1935
01:28:17,149 --> 01:28:14,699
and I was dating some guy who was

1936
01:28:20,149 --> 01:28:17,159
foolish enough to tell me that he loved

1937
01:28:23,470 --> 01:28:20,159
me and at the moment that he said he

1938
01:28:26,689 --> 01:28:23,480
loved me it was kind of like

1939
01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:26,699
everything just kind of fell apart the

1940
01:28:32,750 --> 01:28:28,980
House of Cards dropped because I thought

1941
01:28:35,810 --> 01:28:32,760
you stupid you stupid idiot you've

1942
01:28:38,629 --> 01:28:35,820
fallen in love with the facade right you

1943
01:28:40,970 --> 01:28:38,639
are a complete idiot and now I have no

1944
01:28:45,350 --> 01:28:40,980
respect for you and now I must go and

1945
01:28:47,950 --> 01:28:45,360
he's like what wait are you what are you

1946
01:28:52,310 --> 01:28:47,960
you know he did the William Shatner

1947
01:28:53,689 --> 01:28:52,320
thing but realized I mean I didn't know

1948
01:28:56,930 --> 01:28:53,699
back then

1949
01:29:00,890 --> 01:28:56,940
I because I was in the thick of my my

1950
01:29:03,709 --> 01:29:00,900
mask my my representative self but all I

1951
01:29:05,950 --> 01:29:03,719
wanted was to be known for who I was

1952
01:29:09,350 --> 01:29:05,960
underneath it but I didn't have the

1953
01:29:11,390 --> 01:29:09,360
wherewithal or the internal musculature

1954
01:29:14,090 --> 01:29:11,400
to be able to present what was there

1955
01:29:16,550 --> 01:29:14,100
because I was still too ashamed of who I

1956
01:29:18,830 --> 01:29:16,560
was I wanted you to love me but I didn't

1957
01:29:22,510 --> 01:29:18,840
want you to see I didn't I couldn't get

1958
01:29:26,689 --> 01:29:22,520
real so I I was in quite a catch-22

1959
01:29:29,090 --> 01:29:26,699
wanting to you know anyway so realizing

1960
01:29:31,550 --> 01:29:29,100
now I wouldn't go back to that time in

1961
01:29:33,910 --> 01:29:31,560
my life for anything because now the

1962
01:29:37,370 --> 01:29:33,920
relationships I have are based on

1963
01:29:39,770 --> 01:29:37,380
authenticity they're deep they're juicy

1964
01:29:40,550 --> 01:29:39,780
they go all the way to the core of the

1965
01:29:42,890 --> 01:29:40,560
Earth

1966
01:29:44,629 --> 01:29:42,900
I mean people trust me to tell me their

1967
01:29:47,689 --> 01:29:44,639
deepest secrets and the more they tell

1968
01:29:49,669 --> 01:29:47,699
me the more I feel like there's gold in

1969
01:29:52,550 --> 01:29:49,679
each secret because each secret kind of

1970
01:29:55,129 --> 01:29:52,560
opens a door to to the soul to the

1971
01:29:56,330 --> 01:29:55,139
spirit of a person into the gifts that

1972
01:29:58,250 --> 01:29:56,340
they have and

1973
01:30:00,950 --> 01:29:58,260
I mean this is all I really want like

1974
01:30:04,689 --> 01:30:00,960
all the other any other accolades are

1975
01:30:07,790 --> 01:30:04,699
kind of secondary or tertiary or

1976
01:30:08,770 --> 01:30:07,800
quadrupleary whatever it is compared to

1977
01:30:12,470 --> 01:30:08,780
feeling

1978
01:30:14,750 --> 01:30:12,480
loved and seen so at this point having

1979
01:30:16,610 --> 01:30:14,760
especially now with this book out I mean

1980
01:30:18,649 --> 01:30:16,620
the fact that

1981
01:30:21,350 --> 01:30:18,659
you know you're still having me on your

1982
01:30:23,450 --> 01:30:21,360
show like you knew me before as Dr Dream

1983
01:30:25,070 --> 01:30:23,460
and you're like hey Kelly you're cool

1984
01:30:27,830 --> 01:30:25,080
and I'm like oh my God am I gonna lose

1985
01:30:29,629 --> 01:30:27,840
Jimmy is he gonna hate me

1986
01:30:32,570 --> 01:30:29,639
and all the other people that are like

1987
01:30:34,310 --> 01:30:32,580
Jimmy oh my God but no I feel closer to

1988
01:30:36,590 --> 01:30:34,320
you and I hope that you feel closer to

1989
01:30:39,770 --> 01:30:36,600
me and you shared this amazing story

1990
01:30:42,229 --> 01:30:39,780
it's like this is what it is to be alive

1991
01:30:45,470 --> 01:30:42,239
to be sold to Soul with each other and

1992
01:30:50,870 --> 01:30:45,480
we have all the other stuff just poof

1993
01:30:54,590 --> 01:30:50,880
gone done just let hang out and and why

1994
01:30:59,090 --> 01:30:56,530
um that

1995
01:31:03,470 --> 01:30:59,100
there are

1996
01:31:09,590 --> 01:31:03,480
so many that are revealing themselves

1997
01:31:13,790 --> 01:31:09,600
to have a burnt lump of coal for a heart

1998
01:31:16,310 --> 01:31:13,800
where they attack people on social media

1999
01:31:20,930 --> 01:31:16,320
that they find the time to troll

2000
01:31:24,229 --> 01:31:20,940
somebody or to to say very negative

2001
01:31:26,689 --> 01:31:24,239
harsh things and to go out to when you

2002
01:31:29,390 --> 01:31:26,699
the person the the person that you are

2003
01:31:31,550 --> 01:31:29,400
doing this to you know nothing about

2004
01:31:35,030 --> 01:31:31,560
their personal life you don't know

2005
01:31:38,510 --> 01:31:35,040
what's going on with them and you want

2006
01:31:40,610 --> 01:31:38,520
to take the time uh you've got so many

2007
01:31:42,350 --> 01:31:40,620
precious seconds on this planet in your

2008
01:31:43,610 --> 01:31:42,360
life right and you're gonna waste that

2009
01:31:47,930 --> 01:31:43,620
time

2010
01:31:49,729 --> 01:31:47,940
to go and and go after somebody probably

2011
01:31:50,649 --> 01:31:49,739
something that you've never met by the

2012
01:31:54,830 --> 01:31:50,659
way

2013
01:31:56,870 --> 01:31:54,840
it just shows this this Darkness you

2014
01:32:01,370 --> 01:31:56,880
know this thing where this hatred of

2015
01:32:04,310 --> 01:32:01,380
themselves right where ah and I just

2016
01:32:06,830 --> 01:32:04,320
don't I I just don't get it I don't well

2017
01:32:09,350 --> 01:32:06,840
this is this is where this is how I

2018
01:32:10,850 --> 01:32:09,360
would Ogle that because I would say so I

2019
01:32:13,070 --> 01:32:10,860
mean I've had some people say some

2020
01:32:16,129 --> 01:32:13,080
pretty nasty things to me too so this is

2021
01:32:18,410 --> 01:32:16,139
so what I would say first in the O is

2022
01:32:20,750 --> 01:32:18,420
this sucks this is so mean this is so

2023
01:32:22,910 --> 01:32:20,760
cruel this is this is unfair you're

2024
01:32:25,070 --> 01:32:22,920
anonymous and I'm not so it's not an

2025
01:32:29,930 --> 01:32:25,080
even playing field so there's a million

2026
01:32:30,709 --> 01:32:29,940
things I can say yes yes nobody knows

2027
01:32:33,709 --> 01:32:30,719
you

2028
01:32:36,590 --> 01:32:33,719
right that's not fair yeah yeah that

2029
01:32:38,030 --> 01:32:36,600
that that tips it wait thank you for

2030
01:32:41,209 --> 01:32:38,040
pointing that out

2031
01:32:43,070 --> 01:32:41,219
yeah okay right exactly so what what's

2032
01:32:45,590 --> 01:32:43,080
good about it what's good about it I

2033
01:32:46,850 --> 01:32:45,600
remember the first time I somebody I

2034
01:32:48,950 --> 01:32:46,860
don't know if I can cuss on this show

2035
01:32:51,950 --> 01:32:48,960
but the first time I had like true

2036
01:32:55,310 --> 01:32:51,960
haters online I I've had haters since I

2037
01:33:00,229 --> 01:32:55,320
was young that like scathing scathing

2038
01:33:01,790 --> 01:33:00,239
die [\h__\h] blah blah blah but when when

2039
01:33:03,530 --> 01:33:01,800
my first book

2040
01:33:05,209 --> 01:33:03,540
um that I wrote came out and I all of a

2041
01:33:08,810 --> 01:33:05,219
sudden got an onslaught like the book

2042
01:33:11,570 --> 01:33:08,820
sold like hotcakes and simultaneously I

2043
01:33:13,610 --> 01:33:11,580
got a bunch of haters die [\h__\h] who the

2044
01:33:15,709 --> 01:33:13,620
[\h__\h] do you think you are you know blah

2045
01:33:18,530 --> 01:33:15,719
blah blah and somebody said somebody

2046
01:33:20,450 --> 01:33:18,540
said congratulations this means that

2047
01:33:22,129 --> 01:33:20,460
your work is actually hitting the masses

2048
01:33:25,490 --> 01:33:22,139
you're not just preaching to the choir

2049
01:33:28,010 --> 01:33:25,500
the moment you get hate mail that means

2050
01:33:29,390 --> 01:33:28,020
that it's have your your project your

2051
01:33:31,189 --> 01:33:29,400
book is having an impact so that's

2052
01:33:34,129 --> 01:33:31,199
what's good about it is that it's not

2053
01:33:35,810 --> 01:33:34,139
just to my parents and my family who

2054
01:33:37,790 --> 01:33:35,820
unconditionally love me because they

2055
01:33:40,729 --> 01:33:37,800
have to so that's one good thing and

2056
01:33:43,310 --> 01:33:40,739
then the L the Looking Glass have I ever

2057
01:33:46,070 --> 01:33:43,320
been hateful have I ever been spiteful

2058
01:33:49,729 --> 01:33:46,080
have I ever been jealous

2059
01:33:51,649 --> 01:33:49,739
yes I absolutely haven't have I been

2060
01:33:54,709 --> 01:33:51,659
gossip yeah when I there's been times

2061
01:33:57,169 --> 01:33:54,719
when I've gossiped and I've maybe I

2062
01:34:00,050 --> 01:33:57,179
haven't said something with absolute

2063
01:34:02,750 --> 01:34:00,060
vitriol but the the question that I ask

2064
01:34:05,510 --> 01:34:02,760
in the L and the Ogle formula is even

2065
01:34:07,129 --> 01:34:05,520
just to a drop to a tiny microscopic

2066
01:34:10,490 --> 01:34:07,139
degree have you ever done that same

2067
01:34:14,030 --> 01:34:10,500
thing or could you ever absolutely that

2068
01:34:16,310 --> 01:34:14,040
green-eyed monster is vicious it

2069
01:34:19,070 --> 01:34:16,320
somebody sees somebody else

2070
01:34:21,229 --> 01:34:19,080
doing something like living la vida loca

2071
01:34:23,570 --> 01:34:21,239
and their life is just like stuck and

2072
01:34:26,149 --> 01:34:23,580
funky they're like

2073
01:34:29,090 --> 01:34:26,159
have that all so I mean I can relate to

2074
01:34:31,810 --> 01:34:29,100
that there's not a single emotion

2075
01:34:34,610 --> 01:34:31,820
on this planet past present or future

2076
01:34:37,669 --> 01:34:34,620
that I haven't experienced myself to

2077
01:34:40,370 --> 01:34:37,679
some degree I remember like this is

2078
01:34:42,169 --> 01:34:40,380
awful but I mean this is probably way

2079
01:34:44,930 --> 01:34:42,179
too much TMI and I didn't even put it in

2080
01:34:47,209 --> 01:34:44,940
this book but during a breakup of a

2081
01:34:49,370 --> 01:34:47,219
particular relationship on Valentine's

2082
01:34:54,530 --> 01:34:49,380
Day it was like I was in such a pity

2083
01:34:56,810 --> 01:34:54,540
party in so much grief and sadness I had

2084
01:34:58,729 --> 01:34:56,820
this moment in the middle of my ten

2085
01:35:01,550 --> 01:34:58,739
thousand I was surrounded on a Bed full

2086
01:35:02,450 --> 01:35:01,560
of tissues I was in Chicago in a hotel

2087
01:35:05,510 --> 01:35:02,460
room

2088
01:35:07,430 --> 01:35:05,520
covered in tissues like

2089
01:35:09,229 --> 01:35:07,440
and I had this little

2090
01:35:10,550 --> 01:35:09,239
oh

2091
01:35:12,830 --> 01:35:10,560
it's like to

2092
01:35:15,649 --> 01:35:12,840
the serial killer because I thought

2093
01:35:17,930 --> 01:35:15,659
somebody that is feeling this level of

2094
01:35:20,510 --> 01:35:17,940
Despair this is what would cause that oh

2095
01:35:22,850 --> 01:35:20,520
my God I have compassion for serial

2096
01:35:24,890 --> 01:35:22,860
killers I don't know

2097
01:35:27,590 --> 01:35:24,900
but it all of a sudden made me feel like

2098
01:35:29,169 --> 01:35:27,600
in the midst of my despair there was

2099
01:35:32,689 --> 01:35:29,179
a purpose

2100
01:35:34,729 --> 01:35:32,699
I could relate to somebody that would do

2101
01:35:36,470 --> 01:35:34,739
something so horrific

2102
01:35:39,290 --> 01:35:36,480
because what would cause them to do

2103
01:35:41,570 --> 01:35:39,300
something so horrific is heartbreak is

2104
01:35:44,330 --> 01:35:41,580
some feeling of not belonging and yes of

2105
01:35:46,610 --> 01:35:44,340
course mental disorders being psychotic

2106
01:35:49,550 --> 01:35:46,620
there's other things too but that

2107
01:35:51,890 --> 01:35:49,560
heartbreak so yeah I can relate and then

2108
01:35:55,669 --> 01:35:51,900
what's the E and elevate

2109
01:35:58,370 --> 01:35:55,679
you know do the part that I can do to to

2110
01:36:00,470 --> 01:35:58,380
make myself better to do the best that I

2111
01:36:02,390 --> 01:36:00,480
can because we can either be bitter or

2112
01:36:04,250 --> 01:36:02,400
better so there's

2113
01:36:05,810 --> 01:36:04,260
you know I have to just make the best

2114
01:36:08,090 --> 01:36:05,820
out of what I have to work with just

2115
01:36:10,790 --> 01:36:08,100
going back to that Cheryl stay strayed

2116
01:36:12,350 --> 01:36:10,800
quote like we can't compare our cards to

2117
01:36:14,030 --> 01:36:12,360
somebody else's cards but we could play

2118
01:36:17,390 --> 01:36:14,040
the [\h__\h] out of the cards that we're

2119
01:36:18,590 --> 01:36:17,400
dealt so let me get to the business of

2120
01:36:21,310 --> 01:36:18,600
doing that

2121
01:36:23,750 --> 01:36:21,320
that was a little windy windy road of

2122
01:36:25,970 --> 01:36:23,760
dealing with trolls on the internet I

2123
01:36:27,709 --> 01:36:25,980
don't approve of that but I do I've done

2124
01:36:29,689 --> 01:36:27,719
the same thing in my own little

2125
01:36:33,050 --> 01:36:29,699
microcosm and I can heal that part of

2126
01:36:37,010 --> 01:36:33,060
myself and that's where the L and and

2127
01:36:40,490 --> 01:36:37,020
Ogle could be lie right because if you

2128
01:36:44,510 --> 01:36:40,500
don't stop listen if you don't stop and

2129
01:36:46,729 --> 01:36:44,520
admit and look in the Looking Glass and

2130
01:36:50,090 --> 01:36:46,739
get to that point then you're living a

2131
01:36:51,410 --> 01:36:50,100
lie right it's you're living a life

2132
01:36:55,310 --> 01:36:51,420
because

2133
01:36:57,830 --> 01:36:55,320
everybody can look in in into that and

2134
01:37:03,350 --> 01:36:57,840
see uh there's no way that you haven't

2135
01:37:08,810 --> 01:37:05,450
have the hardest part of the Ogle or

2136
01:37:11,270 --> 01:37:08,820
Ogle as you say formula but that's where

2137
01:37:13,729 --> 01:37:11,280
the magic is like the tragic doesn't

2138
01:37:15,470 --> 01:37:13,739
turn into magic until we see that little

2139
01:37:18,970 --> 01:37:15,480
part and I always tell people even if

2140
01:37:22,850 --> 01:37:18,980
it's just a speck like just so if I've

2141
01:37:24,830 --> 01:37:22,860
gossiped maybe gossiping isn't the same

2142
01:37:27,890 --> 01:37:24,840
as saying something hateful to somebody

2143
01:37:32,149 --> 01:37:27,900
online that would cause them to whatever

2144
01:37:34,129 --> 01:37:32,159
but it's on the same Spectrum and the

2145
01:37:37,490 --> 01:37:34,139
moment I noticed that little speck in

2146
01:37:39,590 --> 01:37:37,500
myself I go from the the kind of the

2147
01:37:41,629 --> 01:37:39,600
horror of feeling separate feeling like

2148
01:37:44,209 --> 01:37:41,639
I'm over here and I'm good and you're

2149
01:37:46,490 --> 01:37:44,219
over there and you're bad well my ego

2150
01:37:49,189 --> 01:37:46,500
might feel a little bit a little bit

2151
01:37:52,129 --> 01:37:49,199
better but ultimately it's the the

2152
01:37:54,890 --> 01:37:52,139
notion of separation is is what puts us

2153
01:37:56,510 --> 01:37:54,900
into a state of like hell on Earth and

2154
01:38:00,110 --> 01:37:56,520
the moment we're connected to each other

2155
01:38:02,810 --> 01:38:00,120
when I see a speck of myself in even the

2156
01:38:04,910 --> 01:38:02,820
most atrocious Behavior even if I don't

2157
01:38:07,430 --> 01:38:04,920
like it even if it's like God I don't

2158
01:38:09,890 --> 01:38:07,440
want to admit that I have that the

2159
01:38:12,470 --> 01:38:09,900
moment I admit that I'm put into this

2160
01:38:15,709 --> 01:38:12,480
like unified field and all of a sudden

2161
01:38:18,590 --> 01:38:15,719
the magic starts to kick in so there's

2162
01:38:20,810 --> 01:38:18,600
it's it's a very very strange thing but

2163
01:38:23,209 --> 01:38:20,820
it is all about the Looking Glass and

2164
01:38:25,310 --> 01:38:23,219
and some people are unwilling to do it

2165
01:38:27,470 --> 01:38:25,320
I'll say hey have you ever been angry

2166
01:38:30,649 --> 01:38:27,480
have you ever been in a fight have you

2167
01:38:32,649 --> 01:38:30,659
ever wished someone ill will no never

2168
01:38:36,350 --> 01:38:32,659
not me like

2169
01:38:37,910 --> 01:38:36,360
well have a nice life get back to me

2170
01:38:39,590 --> 01:38:37,920
when you're ready to get all the way

2171
01:38:41,870 --> 01:38:39,600
through the rest yeah yeah when you're

2172
01:38:43,850 --> 01:38:41,880
done living that lie then you can look

2173
01:38:48,590 --> 01:38:43,860
then I'll give you the Looking Glass pal

2174
01:38:50,090 --> 01:38:48,600
but no no no stop the freedom the

2175
01:38:53,030 --> 01:38:50,100
freedom happens on the other I mean just

2176
01:38:55,550 --> 01:38:53,040
like in 12 steps the fourth step and I I

2177
01:38:57,770 --> 01:38:55,560
write about this in a whole other book

2178
01:38:59,870 --> 01:38:57,780
that hopefully will come out later but

2179
01:39:02,870 --> 01:38:59,880
the fourth step is where you take an

2180
01:39:06,590 --> 01:39:02,880
inventory of yourself and you eventually

2181
01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:06,600
look for what was your part in the thing

2182
01:39:11,870 --> 01:39:09,540
that was so upsetting and most people

2183
01:39:14,390 --> 01:39:11,880
don't ever get past that step and to me

2184
01:39:16,910 --> 01:39:14,400
that was that was where Liberation the L

2185
01:39:18,590 --> 01:39:16,920
is also Liberation it's the lie if you

2186
01:39:19,870 --> 01:39:18,600
don't think it applies to you but it's

2187
01:39:22,610 --> 01:39:19,880
also

2188
01:39:24,229 --> 01:39:22,620
absolute ticket to freedom the moment

2189
01:39:26,870 --> 01:39:24,239
you see that in yourself because then

2190
01:39:28,850 --> 01:39:26,880
you can do something about that you're

2191
01:39:31,070 --> 01:39:28,860
not a victim anymore all of a sudden

2192
01:39:34,310 --> 01:39:31,080
you've got one little speck of what you

2193
01:39:36,290 --> 01:39:34,320
can do to make a difference to change so

2194
01:39:39,649 --> 01:39:36,300
that's that's where the good stuff is

2195
01:39:43,430 --> 01:39:39,659
well how do we get to oh okay so we

2196
01:39:44,510 --> 01:39:43,440
we've been locally without the e tonight

2197
01:39:49,310 --> 01:39:44,520
though

2198
01:39:51,430 --> 01:39:49,320
so yes and uh a lot about uh O's and

2199
01:39:55,370 --> 01:39:51,440
NG's

2200
01:39:57,709 --> 01:39:55,380
but we haven't got to the E which is you

2201
01:40:00,470 --> 01:39:57,719
know how to do an example well just real

2202
01:40:02,510 --> 01:40:00,480
even just relating to somebody who's if

2203
01:40:04,669 --> 01:40:02,520
if we're saying wow I really hate these

2204
01:40:06,830 --> 01:40:04,679
people that are that are trolling online

2205
01:40:09,050 --> 01:40:06,840
and that are saying all this stuff so

2206
01:40:11,810 --> 01:40:09,060
the O is what's offensive this sucks the

2207
01:40:15,110 --> 01:40:11,820
G is it's good because it means that I'm

2208
01:40:16,910 --> 01:40:15,120
reaching beyond the choir the L is the

2209
01:40:20,270 --> 01:40:16,920
Looking Glass okay I see myself in that

2210
01:40:23,990 --> 01:40:20,280
the E is how can I elevate my behavior

2211
01:40:26,330 --> 01:40:24,000
my Consciousness my what what what is

2212
01:40:28,250 --> 01:40:26,340
mine to do with regards to this issue so

2213
01:40:30,890 --> 01:40:28,260
maybe I need to clean up the way I talk

2214
01:40:33,709 --> 01:40:30,900
maybe I need to make sure that the words

2215
01:40:35,450 --> 01:40:33,719
that I use like Don Miguel Ruiz is in

2216
01:40:38,149 --> 01:40:35,460
the 40s talks about being impeccable

2217
01:40:41,330 --> 01:40:38,159
with your word where am I not impeccable

2218
01:40:43,850 --> 01:40:41,340
where am I speaking about myself in a

2219
01:40:45,709 --> 01:40:43,860
disa disempowering way or how am I

2220
01:40:48,290 --> 01:40:45,719
talking trash about somebody else maybe

2221
01:40:51,649 --> 01:40:48,300
I need to catch myself and up my game

2222
01:40:54,709 --> 01:40:51,659
even if it's just a little micro step

2223
01:40:57,229 --> 01:40:54,719
so even if it's just in

2224
01:40:59,570 --> 01:40:57,239
that awareness like whoa I need to I

2225
01:41:01,250 --> 01:40:59,580
need to up my game here then that's

2226
01:41:04,250 --> 01:41:01,260
that's the e

2227
01:41:06,229 --> 01:41:04,260
so we don't leave it in wow I see myself

2228
01:41:09,410 --> 01:41:06,239
in the Looking Glass man I'm a piece of

2229
01:41:11,810 --> 01:41:09,420
[\h__\h] no I I have every bit of humanity

2230
01:41:13,850 --> 01:41:11,820
in here and the moment that I recognize

2231
01:41:17,530 --> 01:41:13,860
I do that thing that I don't want that

2232
01:41:20,510 --> 01:41:17,540
I'm not proud of then I need to stop

2233
01:41:23,030 --> 01:41:20,520
stealing or stop lying or stop or start

2234
01:41:25,970 --> 01:41:23,040
honoring myself whatever it is so we can

2235
01:41:28,070 --> 01:41:25,980
you know it's it's all depending on what

2236
01:41:31,550 --> 01:41:28,080
a person is ogling so we can do another

2237
01:41:33,350 --> 01:41:31,560
another example of of something to Ogle

2238
01:41:36,830 --> 01:41:33,360
if you want to see another elevator what

2239
01:41:41,390 --> 01:41:36,840
would you do well see

2240
01:41:44,209 --> 01:41:41,400
I um oh man there's like a thousand ways

2241
01:41:48,169 --> 01:41:44,219
to perceive all of this right especially

2242
01:41:50,810 --> 01:41:48,179
even throughout the day but there are so

2243
01:41:53,209 --> 01:41:50,820
many different ways to owe there's so

2244
01:41:55,310 --> 01:41:53,219
many different ways right there's what

2245
01:41:57,649 --> 01:41:55,320
what's really is it this that is

2246
01:41:59,570 --> 01:41:57,659
offensive that is bothering me or is it

2247
01:42:00,890 --> 01:41:59,580
this part of it or is it the thing

2248
01:42:03,410 --> 01:42:00,900
that's in front all of it you give

2249
01:42:05,629 --> 01:42:03,420
yourself permission to to be to look at

2250
01:42:08,149 --> 01:42:05,639
the whole 360 of what's offensive in

2251
01:42:10,129 --> 01:42:08,159
fact a full like I know there's this one

2252
01:42:13,010 --> 01:42:10,139
woman that just said I just did an 11

2253
01:42:15,169 --> 01:42:13,020
page Ogle I'm like right on she got she

2254
01:42:18,109 --> 01:42:15,179
wrote pages of what offended her right

2255
01:42:20,090 --> 01:42:18,119
it's like how it sits in your body it

2256
01:42:23,209 --> 01:42:20,100
like it hurts my heart it hurts my body

2257
01:42:24,770 --> 01:42:23,219
it makes my stomach clench I feel you

2258
01:42:26,990 --> 01:42:24,780
know all the things that all the things

2259
01:42:28,970 --> 01:42:27,000
I mean and even just looking at

2260
01:42:31,070 --> 01:42:28,980
look at what happened to you as a kid

2261
01:42:32,930 --> 01:42:31,080
and what you shared you could there's

2262
01:42:35,390 --> 01:42:32,940
like pages and pages of what you could

2263
01:42:37,490 --> 01:42:35,400
write about what's offensive about that

2264
01:42:39,050 --> 01:42:37,500
and we talked about what what's good

2265
01:42:41,990 --> 01:42:39,060
about it is you've become a great dad

2266
01:42:44,570 --> 01:42:42,000
and the L the Looking Glass is I mean if

2267
01:42:46,629 --> 01:42:44,580
it were if it were me I'd say is there

2268
01:42:49,310 --> 01:42:46,639
any place where I ever abandoned myself

2269
01:42:52,430 --> 01:42:49,320
is there any place where I don't take

2270
01:42:54,350 --> 01:42:52,440
myself where I don't own myself or I

2271
01:42:57,590 --> 01:42:54,360
don't I'm not loving myself enough or

2272
01:42:59,570 --> 01:42:57,600
I'm kind of ditching myself off to the

2273
01:43:02,270 --> 01:42:59,580
side of the road or whatever dreams I

2274
01:43:04,310 --> 01:43:02,280
have and then with that how can I

2275
01:43:07,070 --> 01:43:04,320
Elevate ooh I want to be an even better

2276
01:43:10,609 --> 01:43:07,080
Dad I want to be a better dad even to my

2277
01:43:14,030 --> 01:43:10,619
own inner little boy maybe I need to be

2278
01:43:17,510 --> 01:43:14,040
more kind to the vulnerability in me so

2279
01:43:19,490 --> 01:43:17,520
that so how how will you elevate so if

2280
01:43:22,250 --> 01:43:19,500
you're if we just did an Ogle it's up to

2281
01:43:25,430 --> 01:43:22,260
you what would be your elevation I I do

2282
01:43:27,890 --> 01:43:25,440
it a few different ways one um I would

2283
01:43:30,830 --> 01:43:27,900
say that uh

2284
01:43:34,430 --> 01:43:30,840
oh okay here's a direct this is a

2285
01:43:37,070 --> 01:43:34,440
pragmatic black and white thing but when

2286
01:43:38,050 --> 01:43:37,080
I'm going through you know

2287
01:43:39,770 --> 01:43:38,060
um

2288
01:43:43,729 --> 01:43:39,780
blocking

2289
01:43:46,209 --> 01:43:43,739
silencing and walking away from social

2290
01:43:48,910 --> 01:43:46,219
media in a direct sense unfriending

2291
01:43:53,510 --> 01:43:48,920
right it

2292
01:43:56,990 --> 01:43:53,520
clears that I I'm not empowering anybody

2293
01:44:00,229 --> 01:43:57,000
so I'm not empowering somebody and not

2294
01:44:04,729 --> 01:44:00,239
having it change my physicality my brain

2295
01:44:09,050 --> 01:44:04,739
my thought process throwing me off of my

2296
01:44:13,010 --> 01:44:09,060
life that empowers me okay great right

2297
01:44:16,609 --> 01:44:13,020
so that's one part of the where I can go

2298
01:44:19,310 --> 01:44:16,619
away you know elevated going well I'm

2299
01:44:22,790 --> 01:44:19,320
that's not that's never going to get to

2300
01:44:26,750 --> 01:44:22,800
me and I know that right I don't know

2301
01:44:30,950 --> 01:44:26,760
that another way that I Elevate is if

2302
01:44:32,229 --> 01:44:30,960
something crazy happens I'll give you an

2303
01:44:34,430 --> 01:44:32,239
example

2304
01:44:40,070 --> 01:44:34,440
something great

2305
01:44:41,990 --> 01:44:40,080
um I I had an issue last year

2306
01:44:44,209 --> 01:44:42,000
with a plane flight

2307
01:44:46,129 --> 01:44:44,219
I need to make a connecting flight this

2308
01:44:48,350 --> 01:44:46,139
is international international flight

2309
01:44:50,030 --> 01:44:48,360
I'm out of the country and my connecting

2310
01:44:52,430 --> 01:44:50,040
flight inside of the United States has

2311
01:44:54,530 --> 01:44:52,440
got its designated time I'm outside of

2312
01:44:56,510 --> 01:44:54,540
the country I've got a canceled flight

2313
01:44:58,030 --> 01:44:56,520
that I'm dealing with I can't make my

2314
01:45:03,770 --> 01:44:58,040
connecting flight

2315
01:45:06,470 --> 01:45:03,780
I've got a problem so I I get uh with my

2316
01:45:08,570 --> 01:45:06,480
phone at the airport book another flight

2317
01:45:10,870 --> 01:45:08,580
that's later inside of the United States

2318
01:45:13,970 --> 01:45:10,880
cost me a thousand bucks

2319
01:45:18,290 --> 01:45:13,980
whoa hold on

2320
01:45:21,290 --> 01:45:18,300
and then I'm uh my I get on another

2321
01:45:22,970 --> 01:45:21,300
flight internationally I land inside of

2322
01:45:25,430 --> 01:45:22,980
the United States

2323
01:45:27,229 --> 01:45:25,440
my original flight that I thought I was

2324
01:45:30,050 --> 01:45:27,239
gonna miss I'm running through the

2325
01:45:33,590 --> 01:45:30,060
airport I make that I walk there closing

2326
01:45:35,830 --> 01:45:33,600
the door I run out I put my foot in the

2327
01:45:38,209 --> 01:45:35,840
door

2328
01:45:41,450 --> 01:45:38,219
get on the plane

2329
01:45:44,590 --> 01:45:41,460
I fly back to LA now I've made my right

2330
01:45:47,330 --> 01:45:44,600
okay I get back to LA I call the airline

2331
01:45:49,689 --> 01:45:47,340
that I made that you know that I

2332
01:45:52,070 --> 01:45:49,699
purchased the ticket with and they said

2333
01:45:54,169 --> 01:45:52,080
ah nah

2334
01:45:55,850 --> 01:45:54,179
but you can only cancel that two weeks

2335
01:45:59,350 --> 01:45:55,860
in advance I said wait a minute I made

2336
01:46:02,470 --> 01:45:59,360
the flight I booked it today I didn't

2337
01:46:05,810 --> 01:46:02,480
like tough

2338
01:46:06,770 --> 01:46:05,820
now this is this is what I did this is

2339
01:46:09,229 --> 01:46:06,780
what I did

2340
01:46:12,770 --> 01:46:09,239
this is how you elevate the situation

2341
01:46:14,689 --> 01:46:12,780
this is how you turn tragic into magic I

2342
01:46:17,510 --> 01:46:14,699
swear totally

2343
01:46:20,870 --> 01:46:17,520
I hung up the phone and went

2344
01:46:22,850 --> 01:46:20,880
at least I got my flight that I thought

2345
01:46:26,030 --> 01:46:22,860
I was going to miss

2346
01:46:28,970 --> 01:46:26,040
it cost me a thousand dollars

2347
01:46:32,090 --> 01:46:28,980
but I got home

2348
01:46:39,890 --> 01:46:36,669
that's it now and suddenly I'm elevated

2349
01:46:42,350 --> 01:46:39,900
or I could just walk around a stupid

2350
01:46:45,470 --> 01:46:42,360
Airline yeah I'm gonna write them a

2351
01:46:49,850 --> 01:46:45,480
letter I'm gonna call my credit why

2352
01:46:53,270 --> 01:46:49,860
what do I get Kelly what do I honestly I

2353
01:46:55,370 --> 01:46:53,280
get Darkness I'm angry I'm throwing off

2354
01:46:57,109 --> 01:46:55,380
my game I'm gonna lose sleep I'm gonna

2355
01:46:58,970 --> 01:46:57,119
wake up the next day and I'm gonna be

2356
01:47:01,270 --> 01:46:58,980
sending or

2357
01:47:07,189 --> 01:47:01,280
just gone

2358
01:47:14,570 --> 01:47:09,890
and I and I hung up the phone

2359
01:47:17,810 --> 01:47:14,580
I agreed with myself that it was over

2360
01:47:20,330 --> 01:47:17,820
and I I remember I walked out of this

2361
01:47:21,590 --> 01:47:20,340
office my bunker I walked out of that

2362
01:47:24,350 --> 01:47:21,600
door and I went

2363
01:47:26,890 --> 01:47:24,360
[\h__\h] I feel pretty good cost me a

2364
01:47:30,229 --> 01:47:26,900
thousand bucks but I'm not out you know

2365
01:47:33,410 --> 01:47:30,239
there's no no price you can put on your

2366
01:47:35,870 --> 01:47:33,420
peace of mind just Let It Go

2367
01:47:38,510 --> 01:47:35,880
Let It Go and I know it sounds crazy I

2368
01:47:41,450 --> 01:47:38,520
could have been angry for a week or two

2369
01:47:44,450 --> 01:47:41,460
maybe even still mad

2370
01:47:47,770 --> 01:47:44,460
never use that wine let's let's tweet

2371
01:47:49,010 --> 01:47:47,780
this out never you know why why why

2372
01:47:51,590 --> 01:47:49,020
[Music]

2373
01:47:53,870 --> 01:47:51,600
Let It Go and that's how you elevate you

2374
01:47:55,790 --> 01:47:53,880
turn something tragic into magic and

2375
01:47:56,450 --> 01:47:55,800
just just

2376
01:47:59,030 --> 01:47:56,460
um

2377
01:48:01,990 --> 01:47:59,040
that was skipping right from the o to

2378
01:48:05,510 --> 01:48:02,000
the E yeah yeah

2379
01:48:07,550 --> 01:48:05,520
it was great though to eat yeah but yeah

2380
01:48:10,430 --> 01:48:07,560
that's well that's I think that's the

2381
01:48:12,590 --> 01:48:10,440
advanced 2.0 version is to be able to be

2382
01:48:14,689 --> 01:48:12,600
in what's offensive in the moment that

2383
01:48:16,490 --> 01:48:14,699
it's like what and to be able to click

2384
01:48:18,649 --> 01:48:16,500
right over there for those of us who

2385
01:48:20,689 --> 01:48:18,659
need a few steps you can get to the G

2386
01:48:24,470 --> 01:48:20,699
well at least I'm alive at least I got

2387
01:48:28,129 --> 01:48:24,480
my flight you know and then how is what

2388
01:48:31,209 --> 01:48:28,139
I just said right my little story any

2389
01:48:34,189 --> 01:48:31,219
different than chapter one in your book

2390
01:48:36,050 --> 01:48:34,199
when you guys were in Italy at the train

2391
01:48:39,950 --> 01:48:36,060
station right

2392
01:48:42,169 --> 01:48:39,960
um it's the same story right yeah the

2393
01:48:44,149 --> 01:48:42,179
exact same thing are you gonna get bent

2394
01:48:46,490 --> 01:48:44,159
out of shape and get upset

2395
01:48:48,590 --> 01:48:46,500
right or are you going to ride this

2396
01:48:49,910 --> 01:48:48,600
journey out and see what the end is

2397
01:48:53,209 --> 01:48:49,920
right

2398
01:48:55,910 --> 01:48:53,219
it's it's the same oh my God

2399
01:48:57,410 --> 01:48:55,920
yeah well it's a little it's a little

2400
01:49:01,189 --> 01:48:57,420
different but I think the principle

2401
01:49:03,109 --> 01:49:01,199
still applies but it's yeah should I

2402
01:49:05,570 --> 01:49:03,119
should I say a little bit about what

2403
01:49:07,609 --> 01:49:05,580
happened there yeah because everybody's

2404
01:49:14,410 --> 01:49:07,619
wondering now

2405
01:49:19,010 --> 01:49:17,810
it's chapter one the basic the basic

2406
01:49:21,109 --> 01:49:19,020
thing is

2407
01:49:23,270 --> 01:49:21,119
um Dana my husband and I are traveling

2408
01:49:26,330 --> 01:49:23,280
we're on our we're at the end of a

2409
01:49:28,370 --> 01:49:26,340
six-week Journey we're in Milan Italy

2410
01:49:31,189 --> 01:49:28,380
we've been in Spain in Italy he'd been

2411
01:49:33,350 --> 01:49:31,199
filming and I'd been leading workshops

2412
01:49:35,390 --> 01:49:33,360
we had a ton of equipment because he had

2413
01:49:38,570 --> 01:49:35,400
been doing a recording project it was

2414
01:49:41,450 --> 01:49:38,580
like a ton of stuff so it was that heavy

2415
01:49:43,790 --> 01:49:41,460
schlep with like tons of stuff and we're

2416
01:49:46,669 --> 01:49:43,800
like ah we get on our train

2417
01:49:49,609 --> 01:49:46,679
and there's everyone's lovely and

2418
01:49:51,890 --> 01:49:49,619
fabulous but there's this one guy that I

2419
01:49:53,689 --> 01:49:51,900
notice off in the corner that just he

2420
01:49:57,229 --> 01:49:53,699
reminded me I remember telling myself he

2421
01:50:00,109 --> 01:49:57,239
looks like Gru in Despicable Me just

2422
01:50:02,629 --> 01:50:00,119
like kind of the beady eyes and the dark

2423
01:50:04,790 --> 01:50:02,639
circles and the pointy nose and like the

2424
01:50:06,890 --> 01:50:04,800
hunch shoulder and like

2425
01:50:08,209 --> 01:50:06,900
and I'm like okay let's just not look at

2426
01:50:09,649 --> 01:50:08,219
him I'm gonna look the other way but I

2427
01:50:10,689 --> 01:50:09,659
noticed he just kept staring and I'm

2428
01:50:14,870 --> 01:50:10,699
like

2429
01:50:17,090 --> 01:50:14,880
and I hear this scratchy indecipherable

2430
01:50:19,310 --> 01:50:17,100
Italian not that I can really decipher

2431
01:50:20,930 --> 01:50:19,320
Italian anyway but I hear what might

2432
01:50:22,850 --> 01:50:20,940
have been the name of our stop but it

2433
01:50:24,530 --> 01:50:22,860
couldn't have been then so I'm like is

2434
01:50:26,750 --> 01:50:24,540
that really it and then all of a sudden

2435
01:50:29,930 --> 01:50:26,760
the door closes and moves on and I

2436
01:50:32,050 --> 01:50:29,940
realized that was our stop and I am I

2437
01:50:35,930 --> 01:50:32,060
I'm asking people in my broken Spanish

2438
01:50:39,050 --> 01:50:35,940
in Italian like did we miss the spot and

2439
01:50:41,209 --> 01:50:39,060
everyone's like you missed the spot you

2440
01:50:43,370 --> 01:50:41,219
know so I tell Dana okay we're just

2441
01:50:45,410 --> 01:50:43,380
gonna flip around we'll get out on the

2442
01:50:47,510 --> 01:50:45,420
next stop and we'll just take the the

2443
01:50:49,550 --> 01:50:47,520
next train coming the opposite direction

2444
01:50:52,550 --> 01:50:49,560
that's you know that's what you do so

2445
01:50:55,070 --> 01:50:52,560
all is well so the next stop doesn't

2446
01:50:57,350 --> 01:50:55,080
come for about half an hour we're like

2447
01:50:59,450 --> 01:50:57,360
way the heck I don't even know where we

2448
01:51:01,310 --> 01:50:59,460
are at this point so we as soon as the

2449
01:51:03,410 --> 01:51:01,320
door opens I'm like let's get our stuff

2450
01:51:05,450 --> 01:51:03,420
I'm holding the door getting bag after

2451
01:51:08,330 --> 01:51:05,460
bag after bag and we're out on the

2452
01:51:11,030 --> 01:51:08,340
little platform and the train takes off

2453
01:51:13,729 --> 01:51:11,040
the moment we're on the platform

2454
01:51:17,930 --> 01:51:13,739
click click click all the lights start

2455
01:51:20,750 --> 01:51:17,940
going out and then we see the the guy

2456
01:51:23,030 --> 01:51:20,760
whoever he works in the depot the

2457
01:51:25,790 --> 01:51:23,040
engineer or whatever I see him with his

2458
01:51:28,010 --> 01:51:25,800
little old-fashioned lunch pail closing

2459
01:51:32,090 --> 01:51:28,020
the lights in the depot getting into his

2460
01:51:35,870 --> 01:51:33,360
was like

2461
01:51:41,930 --> 01:51:35,880
[Music]

2462
01:51:48,709 --> 01:51:44,990
car his little teeny baby like tiny tiny

2463
01:51:51,229 --> 01:51:48,719
European car and just takes off so Dana

2464
01:51:56,030 --> 01:51:51,239
and I are sitting in the middle of

2465
01:51:59,570 --> 01:51:56,040
this abandoned train station with 10 000

2466
01:52:01,609 --> 01:51:59,580
pounds of luggage that looks I would say

2467
01:52:02,830 --> 01:52:01,619
to the naked eye like an expensive bunch

2468
01:52:05,689 --> 01:52:02,840
of luggage

2469
01:52:07,310 --> 01:52:05,699
camera equipment You've Got Gear you've

2470
01:52:11,390 --> 01:52:07,320
got your luggage you've got everything

2471
01:52:16,010 --> 01:52:11,400
oh my God like three or four roller bags

2472
01:52:18,830 --> 01:52:16,020
each it was just insane and there's no

2473
01:52:21,310 --> 01:52:18,840
cell reception to call an Uber or to

2474
01:52:25,129 --> 01:52:21,320
check out what's happening and it's dark

2475
01:52:27,649 --> 01:52:25,139
off to the right it's dark off to the

2476
01:52:29,209 --> 01:52:27,659
left it becomes dark and it's and I

2477
01:52:32,930 --> 01:52:29,219
realize

2478
01:52:35,330 --> 01:52:32,940
I believe there's no train coming to get

2479
01:52:38,030 --> 01:52:35,340
us there isn't one like it's closed down

2480
01:52:41,750 --> 01:52:38,040
so that's when I bust out

2481
01:52:45,790 --> 01:52:41,760
in my Janice Joplin impersonation busted

2482
01:52:54,189 --> 01:52:45,800
flat and Baton Rouge Waiting for a Train

2483
01:53:01,910 --> 01:52:58,790
shot you a look it's like

2484
01:53:05,169 --> 01:53:01,920
like would you knock it off like we're

2485
01:53:10,430 --> 01:53:05,179
gonna die let's go out singing yeah

2486
01:53:12,050 --> 01:53:10,440
this is how it ends right in dentist so

2487
01:53:14,530 --> 01:53:12,060
all of a sudden as we're sitting here

2488
01:53:18,050 --> 01:53:14,540
just sitting ducks

2489
01:53:21,950 --> 01:53:18,060
comes some footsteps toward us

2490
01:53:25,430 --> 01:53:21,960
who is it but the guy

2491
01:53:30,970 --> 01:53:25,440
it's from Despicable Me grew he shows up

2492
01:53:33,590 --> 01:53:30,980
and I'm like oh God I am not him oh

2493
01:53:36,050 --> 01:53:33,600
because I speak I speak a little Spanish

2494
01:53:37,510 --> 01:53:36,060
and so I like do you speak Spanish he's

2495
01:53:40,850 --> 01:53:37,520
like

2496
01:53:43,609 --> 01:53:40,860
and he basically I we figure out he asks

2497
01:53:46,810 --> 01:53:43,619
if we need a ride and Dana's like no no

2498
01:53:49,550 --> 01:53:46,820
we don't need a ride and I'm like Dana

2499
01:53:52,490 --> 01:53:49,560
seriously what other options do we have

2500
01:53:54,050 --> 01:53:52,500
we're either gonna die somebody's gonna

2501
01:53:56,890 --> 01:53:54,060
kill us while we're sitting here in the

2502
01:53:59,629 --> 01:53:56,900
dark or it's gonna be him that kills us

2503
01:54:02,149 --> 01:53:59,639
very familiar with him either when it

2504
01:54:05,750 --> 01:54:02,159
goes the same man might as well

2505
01:54:07,609 --> 01:54:05,760
die in his car we might as well die with

2506
01:54:08,649 --> 01:54:07,619
somebody at the hands of somebody we now

2507
01:54:12,109 --> 01:54:08,659
know

2508
01:54:15,890 --> 01:54:12,119
oh man so

2509
01:54:19,310 --> 01:54:15,900
yes David's like no I'm like yes

2510
01:54:21,350 --> 01:54:19,320
so the guy picks up our stuff gets

2511
01:54:26,209 --> 01:54:21,360
nothing like its feathers he's carrying

2512
01:54:32,450 --> 01:54:26,219
our stuff and out to his car and it's

2513
01:54:36,470 --> 01:54:32,460
first so his car is a hearse it's a

2514
01:54:37,850 --> 01:54:36,480
hearse he's not grew right the dark the

2515
01:54:41,109 --> 01:54:37,860
nose

2516
01:54:43,850 --> 01:54:41,119
and he's driving a hearse

2517
01:54:44,689 --> 01:54:43,860
okay all right so and he opens up the

2518
01:54:46,729 --> 01:54:44,699
back

2519
01:54:49,609 --> 01:54:46,739
it's our stuff where there was probably

2520
01:54:50,510 --> 01:54:49,619
a dead body or just earlier that day and

2521
01:54:53,450 --> 01:54:50,520
I'm like

2522
01:54:56,450 --> 01:54:53,460
this isn't creepy not at all not at all

2523
01:54:58,850 --> 01:54:56,460
we get around to this side of the card

2524
01:55:00,649 --> 01:54:58,860
wanting Dana to sit next to him because

2525
01:55:03,410 --> 01:55:00,659
we'd be sitting at the front seat with

2526
01:55:05,990 --> 01:55:03,420
him and Dana's like if you sit in the

2527
01:55:09,770 --> 01:55:06,000
middle you can talk Spanish above it God

2528
01:55:12,350 --> 01:55:09,780
oh okay so here we are we're driving and

2529
01:55:14,030 --> 01:55:12,360
as we start to get down the road I start

2530
01:55:16,910 --> 01:55:14,040
to get some cell reception that I start

2531
01:55:20,030 --> 01:55:16,920
to notice I so I plug in the driving

2532
01:55:21,950 --> 01:55:20,040
directions to the hotel and it and I

2533
01:55:24,649 --> 01:55:21,960
noticed that it's saying turn right and

2534
01:55:26,750 --> 01:55:24,659
so I I showed to him it says turn right

2535
01:55:29,570 --> 01:55:26,760
and he's like no

2536
01:55:34,430 --> 01:55:32,689
it keeps chirping like redirect redirect

2537
01:55:37,189 --> 01:55:34,440
and he's and he's starting to get really

2538
01:55:38,629 --> 01:55:37,199
pissed so I turned down the volume I'm

2539
01:55:42,830 --> 01:55:38,639
like

2540
01:55:45,649 --> 01:55:42,840
my God

2541
01:55:48,709 --> 01:55:45,659
like we're completely helpless

2542
01:55:50,390 --> 01:55:48,719
so I remember some episode of CSI or

2543
01:55:52,910 --> 01:55:50,400
something and they said if you're with

2544
01:55:56,810 --> 01:55:52,920
like a killer tell them your name

2545
01:55:59,629 --> 01:55:56,820
because it humanizes you to them

2546
01:56:02,390 --> 01:55:59,639
there'll be maybe less likely to kill

2547
01:56:05,510 --> 01:56:02,400
you so

2548
01:56:08,149 --> 01:56:05,520
introduce I say in my broken Spanish

2549
01:56:09,890 --> 01:56:08,159
Italian whatever my name is Kelly this

2550
01:56:13,870 --> 01:56:09,900
is Dana

2551
01:56:18,770 --> 01:56:13,880
um what's your name and he says

2552
01:56:25,070 --> 01:56:20,570
nice to meet you fatty

2553
01:56:27,229 --> 01:56:25,080
okay well and then anyway so we

2554
01:56:29,890 --> 01:56:27,239
under two I'm calling on I mean

2555
01:56:33,649 --> 01:56:29,900
literally I'm in silence but I'm praying

2556
01:56:37,669 --> 01:56:33,659
sweating praying praying every Angel

2557
01:56:41,990 --> 01:56:37,679
mine Dana's every Angel out there help

2558
01:56:43,910 --> 01:56:42,000
us help us help us next thing I know we

2559
01:56:45,530 --> 01:56:43,920
end up right in front of the hotel that

2560
01:56:49,189 --> 01:56:45,540
we're supposed to be at there's

2561
01:56:51,169 --> 01:56:49,199
literally like um the guy the the guy

2562
01:56:53,689 --> 01:56:51,179
that like is there to greet you with the

2563
01:56:57,250 --> 01:56:53,699
car or whatever it's like Dana and Kelly

2564
01:57:07,010 --> 01:56:57,260
the Bellman

2565
01:57:12,350 --> 01:57:09,050
we start to get out of the car I reached

2566
01:57:14,209 --> 01:57:12,360
into my my purse and I pull out my money

2567
01:57:16,669 --> 01:57:14,219
and I'm just I want to like give him

2568
01:57:20,149 --> 01:57:16,679
money to thank him for not killing us

2569
01:57:23,510 --> 01:57:20,159
and for bringing us to our hotel and he

2570
01:57:26,470 --> 01:57:23,520
gets pissed he hits the the the the

2571
01:57:29,149 --> 01:57:26,480
steering wheel no

2572
01:57:31,609 --> 01:57:29,159
no and like he's really gonna freaking

2573
01:57:37,310 --> 01:57:31,619
kill me and I'm like oh

2574
01:57:42,649 --> 01:57:40,189
join us for dinner and he's like yes

2575
01:57:46,250 --> 01:57:42,659
like all of a sudden very happy very

2576
01:57:48,169 --> 01:57:46,260
sweet so I say okay great meet us we'll

2577
01:57:50,270 --> 01:57:48,179
put our stuff away we'll meet you

2578
01:57:54,649 --> 01:57:50,280
we ended up having the sweetest dinner

2579
01:57:58,370 --> 01:57:54,659
with this guy Fati and this beautiful

2580
01:58:00,530 --> 01:57:58,380
conversation I mean it goes It goes on

2581
01:58:03,850 --> 01:58:00,540
and on but he was a very beautiful sweet

2582
01:58:08,689 --> 01:58:03,860
soul from Tunisia that

2583
01:58:11,270 --> 01:58:08,699
just was such a love and what I learned

2584
01:58:13,850 --> 01:58:11,280
later just in wrapping up this store

2585
01:58:15,530 --> 01:58:13,860
maybe I should do the Ogle so the O is

2586
01:58:19,010 --> 01:58:15,540
the what's offensive was that we got

2587
01:58:21,410 --> 01:58:19,020
ditched that that the voice on the train

2588
01:58:24,589 --> 01:58:21,420
wasn't clearer things were were clearly

2589
01:58:26,030 --> 01:58:24,599
marked and and we lost we we could have

2590
01:58:28,129 --> 01:58:26,040
something bad could have really happened

2591
01:58:31,070 --> 01:58:28,139
and it was very scary

2592
01:58:34,609 --> 01:58:31,080
the G is that nothing really did happen

2593
01:58:37,250 --> 01:58:34,619
we were okay and it always seems in my

2594
01:58:39,890 --> 01:58:37,260
world that the best things happen when

2595
01:58:40,729 --> 01:58:39,900
Things Fall Apart when the plan that I

2596
01:58:43,970 --> 01:58:40,739
had

2597
01:58:45,770 --> 01:58:43,980
goes awry and there's Miracles and

2598
01:58:49,550 --> 01:58:45,780
angels that I meet along the way and the

2599
01:58:54,070 --> 01:58:49,560
most unexpected places so the L for the

2600
01:58:58,010 --> 01:58:54,080
Looking Glass is how how do I also

2601
01:59:00,770 --> 01:58:58,020
enhanced close the door on opportunities

2602
01:59:03,709 --> 01:59:00,780
or people by just simply being too

2603
01:59:06,890 --> 01:59:03,719
wrapped up in in whatever I whatever

2604
01:59:10,430 --> 01:59:06,900
train track of attention I'm on whatever

2605
01:59:12,589 --> 01:59:10,440
like I'm on my own track and then I miss

2606
01:59:17,089 --> 01:59:12,599
I totally missed the opportunity at hand

2607
01:59:20,270 --> 01:59:17,099
and how do I also totally judge people

2608
01:59:21,729 --> 01:59:20,280
it's like oh my God this guy was this

2609
01:59:24,890 --> 01:59:21,739
this guy was an angel

2610
01:59:28,129 --> 01:59:24,900
I completely profiled him

2611
01:59:31,669 --> 01:59:28,139
and as as humans do we're coded to do

2612
01:59:34,310 --> 01:59:31,679
that but I was wrong I was wrong he was

2613
01:59:37,729 --> 01:59:34,320
a good guy and he saved us

2614
01:59:39,229 --> 01:59:37,739
so the E how will I Elevate all of this

2615
01:59:42,229 --> 01:59:39,239
is

2616
01:59:44,629 --> 01:59:42,239
I well what happened was I got back home

2617
01:59:47,209 --> 01:59:44,639
soon thereafter I found

2618
01:59:49,930 --> 01:59:47,219
somebody somebody was talking about on

2619
01:59:54,709 --> 01:59:49,940
the stoics and Marcus Aurelius and this

2620
01:59:57,589 --> 01:59:54,719
phrase called Amor Fati and Fati means

2621
02:00:01,250 --> 01:59:57,599
fate Amore is love and it's this very

2622
02:00:05,149 --> 02:00:01,260
important distinction Called Love Your

2623
02:00:06,189 --> 02:00:05,159
Fate so whatever has ever happened to

2624
02:00:09,530 --> 02:00:06,199
you

2625
02:00:11,149 --> 02:00:09,540
that's what to Love don't love all the

2626
02:00:13,250 --> 02:00:11,159
stuff that hasn't happened to you yet

2627
02:00:15,830 --> 02:00:13,260
all the things you wish for that could

2628
02:00:18,050 --> 02:00:15,840
have would or shoulda's but every single

2629
02:00:20,830 --> 02:00:18,060
thing that happens to you love that

2630
02:00:24,609 --> 02:00:20,840
because that is yours that's your story

2631
02:00:27,649 --> 02:00:24,619
that's what to embrace and so I realized

2632
02:00:29,870 --> 02:00:27,659
loving my faith is really the whole

2633
02:00:31,910 --> 02:00:29,880
essence of this book is loving all of it

2634
02:00:34,550 --> 02:00:31,920
it's not just Amor Fati it doesn't mean

2635
02:00:37,330 --> 02:00:34,560
love your fat which probably should be a

2636
02:00:40,310 --> 02:00:37,340
good thing I could I could probably love

2637
02:00:42,709 --> 02:00:40,320
my fat a little bit more but love love

2638
02:00:44,570 --> 02:00:42,719
your fate because it's what's ours to

2639
02:00:46,910 --> 02:00:44,580
love like exactly what you talked about

2640
02:00:49,070 --> 02:00:46,920
Jimmy about like this is what happened

2641
02:00:51,890 --> 02:00:49,080
to me when I was 15 years old

2642
02:00:54,589 --> 02:00:51,900
this is this is this is mine this is my

2643
02:00:55,609 --> 02:00:54,599
story like you don't want to give that

2644
02:00:57,229 --> 02:00:55,619
away

2645
02:01:00,890 --> 02:00:57,239
because look at what you've done with

2646
02:01:02,870 --> 02:01:00,900
that so Amor Fati

2647
02:01:06,229 --> 02:01:02,880
love your faith

2648
02:01:08,390 --> 02:01:06,239
the book is called a crisis is a

2649
02:01:11,209 --> 02:01:08,400
terrible thing to waste the art of

2650
02:01:12,830 --> 02:01:11,219
transforming the tragic into magic links

2651
02:01:16,310 --> 02:01:12,840
forward or down below

2652
02:01:18,050 --> 02:01:16,320
I love you Kelly Sullivan Walden uh it's

2653
02:01:21,050 --> 02:01:18,060
just an amazing book thank you for

2654
02:01:22,669 --> 02:01:21,060
writing this for me uh it was uh it was

2655
02:01:25,609 --> 02:01:22,679
just a great day today thank you so much

2656
02:01:27,050 --> 02:01:25,619
what are you doing next I know we've got

2657
02:01:30,290 --> 02:01:27,060
the links out for the books and things

2658
02:01:32,990 --> 02:01:30,300
uh but but what's next for you

2659
02:01:35,030 --> 02:01:33,000
well I first wanted to say thank you so

2660
02:01:38,629 --> 02:01:35,040
much Jimmy for having me on your show

2661
02:01:41,689 --> 02:01:38,639
tonight this is a milestone for me this

2662
02:01:43,010 --> 02:01:41,699
has been so special and to think some of

2663
02:01:44,870 --> 02:01:43,020
the things that you've shared and that

2664
02:01:46,870 --> 02:01:44,880
you've said will stay with me for the

2665
02:01:50,510 --> 02:01:46,880
rest of my life and

2666
02:01:53,930 --> 02:01:50,520
I you are totally my soul brother and I

2667
02:01:56,030 --> 02:01:53,940
really really appreciate you and I can't

2668
02:01:57,530 --> 02:01:56,040
wait to see you one of these days very

2669
02:02:02,149 --> 02:01:57,540
soon

2670
02:02:04,010 --> 02:02:02,159
so what's coming up in my world is I um

2671
02:02:05,870 --> 02:02:04,020
besides this book being out which I'm

2672
02:02:09,410 --> 02:02:05,880
excited about

2673
02:02:13,790 --> 02:02:09,420
um I have a retreat to Costa Rica in

2674
02:02:16,070 --> 02:02:13,800
June and by if people want to go on it

2675
02:02:18,470 --> 02:02:16,080
and they sign up for it by the end of

2676
02:02:20,450 --> 02:02:18,480
February I have this luxury dream

2677
02:02:24,169 --> 02:02:20,460
package that comes along with it it's an

2678
02:02:27,530 --> 02:02:24,179
800 value and it's an amazing it'll be

2679
02:02:29,930 --> 02:02:27,540
like a a tragic to Magic Retreat there

2680
02:02:32,450 --> 02:02:29,940
will be DreamWork it'll also be very

2681
02:02:34,430 --> 02:02:32,460
deep and Excavating of whatever the the

2682
02:02:36,530 --> 02:02:34,440
Deep story is that we haven't wanted to

2683
02:02:38,629 --> 02:02:36,540
tell we get to do some work on that so

2684
02:02:40,729 --> 02:02:38,639
that you'll transform that into Magic by

2685
02:02:43,430 --> 02:02:40,739
the time you go home that's my intent

2686
02:02:46,310 --> 02:02:43,440
and I also have DreamWork practitioner

2687
02:02:48,950 --> 02:02:46,320
training for people who want to become

2688
02:02:51,589 --> 02:02:48,960
more skilled in understanding the

2689
02:02:53,810 --> 02:02:51,599
language of dreams and learning how they

2690
02:02:56,510 --> 02:02:53,820
can work with their dreams transforming

2691
02:02:58,850 --> 02:02:56,520
their tragic dreams into magic and also

2692
02:03:01,129 --> 02:02:58,860
how they can help other people so those

2693
02:03:03,229 --> 02:03:01,139
are some things also I have this getter

2694
02:03:04,729 --> 02:03:03,239
done writing Workshop because writing

2695
02:03:07,310 --> 02:03:04,739
has been such a powerful healing

2696
02:03:10,010 --> 02:03:07,320
modality to me I I let people

2697
02:03:12,950 --> 02:03:10,020
um it's it's kind of a month at a time

2698
02:03:15,050 --> 02:03:12,960
kind of a thing and it's pretty powerful

2699
02:03:17,990 --> 02:03:15,060
so all that's available on Kelly

2700
02:03:21,729 --> 02:03:18,000
Sullivan walden.com and if that's too

2701
02:03:24,290 --> 02:03:21,739
hard to spell they can go to I had the

2702
02:03:27,770 --> 02:03:24,300
strangestdream.com I've got all the

2703
02:03:30,050 --> 02:03:27,780
links up for you really have a great

2704
02:03:32,570 --> 02:03:30,060
wonderful amazing night and go get some

2705
02:03:34,310 --> 02:03:32,580
dreaming done and I'll talk to you soon

2706
02:03:36,169 --> 02:03:34,320
thank you so much Kelly

2707
02:03:38,089 --> 02:03:36,179
I love you Jimmy church thank you so

2708
02:03:40,970 --> 02:03:38,099
much for having me on your dream you're

2709
02:03:43,910 --> 02:03:40,980
my brother thank you so much Kelly I

2710
02:03:47,149 --> 02:03:43,920
don't want to stand but you know here's

2711
02:03:49,070 --> 02:03:47,159
the thing let's just I I say this after

2712
02:03:55,030 --> 02:03:49,080
every show with you let's just do this

2713
02:04:01,430 --> 02:03:57,530
thank you so much Kelly behave and be

2714
02:04:04,129 --> 02:04:01,440
well one love you the absolute very best

2715
02:04:06,790 --> 02:04:04,139
thank you Kelly and again the links for

2716
02:04:09,410 --> 02:04:06,800
Kelly right below Kelly Sullivan

2717
02:04:11,990 --> 02:04:09,420
walden.com the links are right there

2718
02:04:15,350 --> 02:04:12,000
everything else we have over social

2719
02:04:17,149 --> 02:04:15,360
media and over on our website what a

2720
02:04:20,629 --> 02:04:17,159
perfect night tonight it's always like

2721
02:04:23,330 --> 02:04:20,639
that when Kelly is with us and with that

2722
02:04:25,129 --> 02:04:23,340
uh we've got a pretty cool week uh

2723
02:04:27,050 --> 02:04:25,139
coming up here on Fade to Black uh

2724
02:04:31,910 --> 02:04:27,060
tomorrow night Chris Bledsoe was here

2725
02:04:33,709 --> 02:04:31,920
his new book is out UFO of God we'll

2726
02:04:37,129 --> 02:04:33,719
we'll be talking about that tomorrow

2727
02:04:40,189 --> 02:04:37,139
night and then to Chris's back to back

2728
02:04:42,169 --> 02:04:40,199
Thursday night it's Dr Christopher

2729
02:04:45,470 --> 02:04:42,179
Macklin is here we're going to be

2730
02:04:47,450 --> 02:04:45,480
talking about off Planet AI so tomorrow

2731
02:04:49,310 --> 02:04:47,460
night Chris Bledsoe fate the black is

2732
02:04:52,250 --> 02:04:49,320
produced by Hilton J Palm

2733
02:04:54,290 --> 02:04:52,260
Renee Dennis and Kevin webmasters Drew

2734
02:04:55,390 --> 02:04:54,300
the geek music Doug Aldrich intro space

2735
02:04:59,270 --> 02:04:55,400
boy

2736
02:05:00,050 --> 02:04:59,280
produced by kjcr for the game changer

2737
02:05:02,510 --> 02:05:00,060
Network

2738
02:05:04,430 --> 02:05:02,520
this broadcast is owned and copyrighted

2739
02:05:06,530 --> 02:05:04,440
2023 by Fade to Black and The Game

2740
02:05:08,390 --> 02:05:06,540
Changer Network Inc it cannot be

2741
02:05:10,129 --> 02:05:08,400
rebroadcast outlooked copied or used

2742
02:05:11,870 --> 02:05:10,139
anywhere in their own Universe without

2743
02:05:13,490 --> 02:05:11,880
written permission from Fade to block of

2744
02:05:15,709 --> 02:05:13,500
the game changer Network I'm your chibi

2745
02:05:20,450 --> 02:05:15,719
church until tomorrow night with Chris

2746
02:05:25,450 --> 02:05:20,460
Bledsoe I want everybody to be safe

2747
02:05:55,189 --> 02:05:36,910
[Music]